Dealing with a wounded heart
What choices do we have here?
- Ignore it–make sure I stay busy, busy, busy
- Escape it–lots of choices here, none of them any good but the key is to not feel any pain
- Deny it–similar to the first two but slightly different. In denial, according to Benner, we tell “our self (and anyone else who might inquire) that we do not, in fact, feel whatever it is that is unacceptable to us”
- Blame others for it–“if she had met my needs then my heart would not be so wounded”
- Project it on others–the real problem, “I think that they have a wounded heart” Projection is a “substantial distortion of the truth of our experience—attributing to others things that we cannot accept in ourselves.” Benner
All these are some form of rationalization in which we invent good excuses to cover the real reason. Benner says, “we usually only want the truth on our own distorted terms.”
The solution: Move towards healing–but this requires admission of and movement through the pain!
David Benner quotes are from Soulful Spirituality