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Male Friendship

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I am a bit confused by this article on male friendships. I think a lot of men would agree that the following are often characteristic of what it looks or feels like when men get together BUT I think most men want more and don’t know how to get it.  That is why Promise Keepers was so successful and why men’s groups are needed.  Yet (I suspect) men are still reluctant to attend the meetings.  Solutions welcome.  Here are a few key comments from the article.

Speaking about a time when a group of men were together for a weekend away:

“It’s a judgment-free, action-packed, adventure-based weekend,” says Mr. Vasu. “We go hiking, whitewater rafting, rock climbing, fly-fishing.”

What they don’t do is sit around as a group, the way women do, sharing their deepest feelings.

Male friendships like these are absolutely typical, but don’t assume they’re inferior to female friendships

Researchers say women’s friendships are face to face: They talk, cry together, share secrets. Men’s friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games.

“Our conversations deal with the doing of things rather than the feeling of things,” says Mr. Leonard.

Very interesting statistic below (read the article to see what women do). In fact, I am heading out later today to see a “rusted” friend from 5th grade–haven’t seen each other for 35 years?

“Men, meanwhile, tend to build friendships until about age 30, but there’s often a falloff after that. Among the reasons: Their friendships are more apt to be hurt by geographical moves and differences in career trajectories. Recent studies, however, are now finding that men in their late 40s are turning to what Dr. Grief calls “rusted” friends—longtime pals they knew when they were younger.”

Agree with the following statement that there is a lot of love expressed in male friendships  but I am not so sure that men talk about these things with their wives.

“I wouldn’t talk about my insecurities with the guys,” says Mr. Schulsinger, a consultant. “All my real insecurities—about work, finances, the kids—those I share with my wife.”

A lot is left unspoken among Mr. Schulsinger’s friends, but the love is there.

In my opinion, bottom line, men in order to be healthy–or at least to avoid living with anger and resorting to addictions to cover up the pain–need to talk about insecurities, fears and longings with other men.

Just my opinion.  Comments?

Thanks to Kruse Kronicle for the heads up to this article.

  1. April 17, 2011 at 3:32 am

    I think men are in desperate need of friendship and brotherhood, we just unfortunately live in a culture that is so transitory and homophobic, I think real friendships in the historical and even Biblical sense are hard to come by; but they fortunately do exist. Thanks for talking about this subject, unfortunately not many men do.

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