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Spilt water

September 14, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

water on wood high resTo understand this post, you need to know that I am currently making my second attempt towards completing a Doctor of Ministry degree. I am now almost at the point where I was about 10 years ago–with all coursework completed and working on my dissertation proposal.  About ten years ago, my study flooded (another story since we lived on a hill!) and all my dissertation documents were soaked.  I am not saying that led to me not completing my dissertation but it accelerated the decline in effort so that a few years later I was removed from the program.  And now for my post for today.

When I saw the water

Flowing over the edge of the desk

Onto the floor

And being absorbed by the pages of my noteswet book 2 jpg

A feeling of dread came upon me

And I remembered another flood

One that erased the lines typed on the pages

Along with the last glimmers of hope

Has this project become too important to me?

As I saw the water, my anger poured out

And it seems that I am

Wanting to blame someonewine spill

For the frustration of this project

For my lack of self-discipline

Anything to avoid the hidden fears

That maybe I cannot do this again

That I don’t want to fail again

Confronted with the possibility of failure

I grow afraid

And want to withdraw, hide deep inside

Or escape to places and times where there is no fear

Where I can relax and just be

The child of God You created me to be

Why not now?alone in the flood

Here?

In this place?

I don’t want to admit that the fingers of my heart

Have been groping and clinging to these

Wet notes and ideas rolling around in my head

Yet I must see clearly

Before I can let go

And be set free

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  1. millionmilejourney
    September 15, 2009 at 12:29 am

    “David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.” 1 Samuel 30:6

    When David and his men returned to Ziklag, they found that the Amalekites had invaded the city, burned their homes, ransacked their possessions, and kidnapped their wives, sons and daughters. This was surely the worst day of their lives. David could sink into depression and give up and quit or he could fight back. However, before David could fight, he would have to get his strength and courage back. As David looked around him, he saw nothing but discouraged and downcast men. David had no one to encourage him, so he had only one recourse. He “encouraged himself in the Lord his God” ( 1 Sam 30:6)

    David took his harp, retreated to a solitary place, and began to sing songs of praise to God. No doubt David didn’t feel like singing, but he did anyway.

    Sudden loss of any kind can be devastating. What is important is how we react and learn from it. Sometimes we become so focused on our own desires that we miss the essence of the event.

    God bless you as you seek to discover and serve Him.

    Ken
    blog: mkosborn.wordpress.com
    web: http://www.2globalconnect.com
    email: ken@2globalconnect.com

    • September 23, 2009 at 7:32 am

      thanks, i think i was unaware of some of my own desires until there was a loss!

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