Archive for the ‘Men's Issues’ Category

How to be a better man

November 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Outstanding post  on lessons learned about how to be a better man from the now defunct tv show Friday Night Lights.  Here are the main points but read the entire well written article

  • Relish the underdog role
  • A man needs to come to peace with his father
  • Nurture manliness
  • A man seeks redemption
  • Texas forever (remember your roots would be my paraphrase for those not from Texas)
  • A man’s closest ally is his wife
  • A man needs a team
  • Clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose (When you have a clear conscience and play with everything you have, you can never lose)



I wish I had been a better father

August 29, 2011 Leave a comment

Here is someone on the road to redemption and I hope he makes it!

If you are a basketball fan, you will remember Dennis Rodman–his defense, his rebounding, his flamboyance!  I have not followed his life after basketball but I am guessing that it has been rough–likely much of it self-inflicted.  Just watched his rambling acceptance speech into the basketball hall of fame (thanks to the heads up by Jon Acuff at Stuff Christians Like) and I value his honest and hard words about his failure to be a good son, a good husband and a good father–many of these words could be my own as well.  How moving to hear him describe the men in his life! I pray that God may give Dennis grace to continue to live a transformed life even as I pray that for myself.

How to Lose with Dignity

August 23, 2011 Leave a comment

from Istockphoto

In a most unusual post, Brett and Kate McKay write about how to lose with dignity and celebrate with grace. Beginning with the gracious way the American Civil War ended between Generals Grant and Lee, ending with the victory of Churchill over Chamberlain in 1940 and with American football in between, the Mckay’s come up with the following principles.

Accept responsibility for the loss.

Bow out gracefully.

Acknowledge the winner.

But a failure to acknowledge the victory of your fellow competitor shows a lack of respect for him; a man can be your rival, but you can still admire his courage and his fight, and the fact that on this day, he fought harder. Sulking away also shows a lack of discipline on your part—you are so overwhelmed with anger and grief at your loss that you cannot think of anything else but your own pity. Being able to control your feelings in that moment is the mark of strength and self-control, not to mention perspective.

And in some cases, even support the winner.

Learn from the loss and move on.

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Why men need adventure

September 11, 2010 Leave a comment

From Gary Thomas, Pure Pleasure

Personal photo in Seattle

I recently passed through a string of three significant injuries in three years—one a year—from training for marathons. My doctor said, “You know, Gary, you’re in your midforties now. Maybe it’s time to take up a different sport. Have you thought about riding bikes?” So I switched doctors.

In other words, while I ought to know what truly gives me pleasure, I also need to know my obligations and responsibilities. In certain seasons of life, a person’s personal desires must give way to the greater good of those around him.

While pleasures are important, they’re not paramount.

For many men, risk, excitement, and adventure is a necessary pleasure zone, which (like all others) needs to be managed or scheduled in.1 As a therapist, Dr. Weiss has a take that I lack. He counsels risk takers, “Remember that if risk is your primary soul pleasure zone, this is the well from which you drink. It’s as satisfying to your soul as any sensory experience you could have.”


Male Friendship

April 8, 2010 2 comments

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I am a bit confused by this article on male friendships. I think a lot of men would agree that the following are often characteristic of what it looks or feels like when men get together BUT I think most men want more and don’t know how to get it.  That is why Promise Keepers was so successful and why men’s groups are needed.  Yet (I suspect) men are still reluctant to attend the meetings.  Solutions welcome.  Here are a few key comments from the article.

Speaking about a time when a group of men were together for a weekend away:

“It’s a judgment-free, action-packed, adventure-based weekend,” says Mr. Vasu. “We go hiking, whitewater rafting, rock climbing, fly-fishing.”

What they don’t do is sit around as a group, the way women do, sharing their deepest feelings.

Male friendships like these are absolutely typical, but don’t assume they’re inferior to female friendships

Researchers say women’s friendships are face to face: They talk, cry together, share secrets. Men’s friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games.

“Our conversations deal with the doing of things rather than the feeling of things,” says Mr. Leonard.

Very interesting statistic below (read the article to see what women do). In fact, I am heading out later today to see a “rusted” friend from 5th grade–haven’t seen each other for 35 years?

“Men, meanwhile, tend to build friendships until about age 30, but there’s often a falloff after that. Among the reasons: Their friendships are more apt to be hurt by geographical moves and differences in career trajectories. Recent studies, however, are now finding that men in their late 40s are turning to what Dr. Grief calls “rusted” friends—longtime pals they knew when they were younger.”

Agree with the following statement that there is a lot of love expressed in male friendships  but I am not so sure that men talk about these things with their wives.

“I wouldn’t talk about my insecurities with the guys,” says Mr. Schulsinger, a consultant. “All my real insecurities—about work, finances, the kids—those I share with my wife.”

A lot is left unspoken among Mr. Schulsinger’s friends, but the love is there.

In my opinion, bottom line, men in order to be healthy–or at least to avoid living with anger and resorting to addictions to cover up the pain–need to talk about insecurities, fears and longings with other men.

Just my opinion.  Comments?

Thanks to Kruse Kronicle for the heads up to this article.


How tired are men

January 26, 2009 4 comments

While visiting in Houston, a friend of mine commented that he was a people watcher and he had observed how tired most men look.  Why is that?

Anger, pain and men

December 21, 2008 4 comments

I have tried to be honest about my journey with depression over the past few years.   But, as I have written in other places, beneath a lot (but certainly not all) depression lies anger.  And being honest about my own anger has not been nearly as easy to admit and discuss with people.   Not that I should be talking about it with everybody.

Indeed my personal journey with depression (sounds kind of strange–like depression has been my friend) has often been intertwined with anger.  By being willing to talk about my own struggles with depression, others have been willing to admit their own depression and talk about it a little.  It gives me no joy that there are so many men out there fighting the dark cloud but it is encouraging to know that this battle is not one anyone needs to fight alone.  And it does bring me joy when my friends begin to get help to climb out of the despairing pit.

I suppose that normally anger seems to come before depression.  And according to David Benner, anger comes out of an experience of pain or an experience of loss.  So, the real challenge is for men to talk not just about our depression and anger but also about our pain and losses.  And that is where it gets tough doesn’t it?

What got me going on this topic is an article that my dear wife sent me,  an article by Anthony Bradley in World Magazine titled,  “Do Men Hurt?” Bradley writes,

Sadly, for many men, pain is often dismissed, ignored, or confused with sin. Many men do sinful things not out of a rebellious spirit but to self-medicate real pain. We all find ways to deal with pain, and sometimes it opens the door for sin.

Reminds me of a post I made about a book I real last year by Terrence Real,
I don’t want to talk about it,

One reason so many men face depression is that they do not face or deal well with the pain in their lives–often leading to addictive behavior to cover up the pain.

Pretty sensitive areas to discuss in a small group, eh?  The problem is that for too many of us, there is no safe place,  not even the church!  Not that I am down on the church–don’t misunderstand me.  Its just that the church seems to rarely be the place it could be.  For more on that, read Larry Crabb’s excellent book, The Safest Place on Earth. Here is more from Bradley on this topic.

Many churches do not provide safe space for men to confess being in need of healing (Luke 4, Isaiah 61) due to the hands many men have been dealt, sins committed against them in the past or present, their own addictions, confusions, passivity, anger, and so on. As a result, we have churches full of unhealed and wounded men who often medicate their pain in secret or take it out on their wives, children, friends, and co-workers. The dysfunctional cycle of self-medication creates even more generational sin and pain.

Anyway, I am finding this post to be a healthy challenge for me to think about my own openness–how much am I willing to share about my pain with others? What am I hiding?  And, how am I doing in creating safe places for men who need to talk about their pain?  I know it means that I have to think about ME less, make myself more available to build relationships of trust.  Likely, it means that less may very well be more in the long run.  And as Bradley exhorts in his article, all of us need to remember that it is only relationship with the Triune God that can bring the healing that we need.

Want to end this post on a positive note and so here is a vision that Bradley gives worth praying towards.  Again, the link to his entire article.

I look forward to the day in ministry contexts where I hear stories of men growing up in churches who were able to get help early because it was a normal way the church loved their men.

Rules for Men

November 8, 2008 Leave a comment

I needed something a bit lighter for this weekend.  My wife sent me this today so I presume she agrees with what is listed. Yes, I have “the rules for women” and will post it told to do so!! I don’t know where it came from–one of those things floating on the internet but if you have a source for it, please tell me and I will give that wise man credit.   I would welcome other rules.  For the full list, look at my page on RULES for Men

Here are some of my favorites

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Where Lust Leads

August 28, 2008 2 comments

Lust and sexuality–an easy topic. First, a couple of links about men, our culture and sexuality. First, Katherine Kirsten uncovers how our culture increasingly provides easier access to the dark basement of the soul. Second, Mike Adams over at Townhall offers five rules for rule men.

After looking at these articles, I went back to Rob Bell in Sex God where he writes about the deceptiveness of lust, “It isn’t just what lust does, it’s where lust leads.” 75 God created us to enjoy life, but when lust is in control, there is a loss of joy. Lust can lead to addiction and Bell says, “Addictions often rob people of their appreciation of things. . . Whether it’s food, sex, shopping, whatever what was supposed to fill the hole within us didn’t. It betrayed us. It owned us. And it always leaves us wanting more.” 76

But, the emptiness of lust leads to other problems. “. . . lust, over time, will always lead to despair. Which always leads to anger. Lust always leads to anger.” 78 This ties in with what Terrence Real says the connection between depression in men and addiction (in his book, I Don’t Want to Talk About It).

What do we need to do? Bell provides some questions that require a courageous and honest look inward. “To be free from lust, we have to move from being darkened in our understanding to being enlightened in our understanding. And to be enlightened, we have to ask lots of questions about the things we crave:

  1. What is this craving promising?
  2. Can it deliver?
  3. Is this lust about something else?
  4. What is the lie here?
  5. Where is the good in this person or thing?
  6. Where is the good that has been distorted?
  7. What good thing has God made here that has been hijacked?
  8. Have I been tempted like this before?
  9. Have I given in before?
  10. What was it like?
  11. Did it work?
  12. Was I more satisfied or more empty?
  13. What will the moment, the morning, or the week after be like?
  14. Is there a pattern here?” 81

A prayer that Bell suggests, “Maybe the most important thing we can do here is simply to pray, ‘God give me eyes to see the lie here.’” 80 And for any of us that have struggled with lust, we know what Bell means when he warns that it is foolish to fight the “lust” battle alone; we need others. “To be honest, if it’s us against the craving, we will often lose. It too hard. . . And when we give in, it can start to feel pointless. Why resist today if tomorrow we won’t be able to?” 80

There are others that want to walk with us in our journey of faith, even through the rocky and treacherous valleys of lust. Sometimes, we just need to reach out and ask for help.

Whom Not to Marry

July 13, 2008 Leave a comment

Maureen Dowd, (with whom I don’t always agree ) had a column on “An Ideal Husband” the other day in the NYT and here is her summary of a talk that  Father Pat Connor gives on “Whom Not to Marry.”

“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.

“Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.

“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

“Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)

“Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing.

“A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, ‘In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.’

“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

“Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.

“Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat.

“Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

Dads, you will never regret the time spent with your kids!

June 24, 2008 Leave a comment

Comforting to know that research indicates that we Dads are still needed in America (and around the world)! I don’t know any message I would give to younger fathers more than this one: “Spend time with your kids. You will never regret it.” Men, you will never regret more time spent with your kids!!! Why does it seem like each generation keeps needing to learn this the hard way? Did people tell me or warn me? In my experience child rearing is one of those areas in which few of us welcome the input from others until it is too late.

Katherine Kersten did a post recently about Disappearing Dads… Why fathers are so vital She refers to Kyle Pruett’s book Fatherneed in which he says, “Children with involved fathers have lower rates of juvenile delinquency, substance abuse and early sexual activity.”

Surprise, surprise, discipline from dad looks different than from mom!

“Moms tend to discipline by stressing the “relational and social costs” of bad behavior, . . . Dads, on the other hand, tend to focus on the “mechanical or societal consequences” of misbehavior.”

And we dads (generally), play differently with our children than do moms.

“Mothers’ play is more toy-centered and instructional, fathers encourage exploration and novelty-seeking. Dads love to wrestle and roughhouse. . . . Fathers tend to encourage kids to master tasks on their own, while mothers are more likely to help a fretting child sooner. . .

“When mothers see their young ones scrambling up a jungle gym, they tend to call out, “Be careful!” . . . Dad’s challenge is likely to be different: “Can you make it to the top?”

It is hard to believe that the message, ‘Your kids need you,” is one that many dads haven’t heard but that is what the National Fatherhood organization is saying. Perhaps because so many of us didn’t do it “right” as dads, is that why we so look forward to the second chance as grandfather? Check out Kersten’s full article.

Sexual boundaries on college campuses today

May 1, 2008 Leave a comment

Dawn Eden over at Dawn Patrol had the following daily quote today and I thought it is worth re-posting here. This was reminiscent of a post that Heather McDonald made a few months ago on City Journal–for which I provided links. How do we bring about a change on this situation.  According to McDonald, the blame seems to lie at the college administration level giving mixed signals to the students.

“No doubt lurid anecdote and popular myth cause us to exaggerate the actual frequency of campus hook-ups: Most college students do not share in these delights. But most students also believe that ‘everyone does it,’ even if the individual student, for some reason, cannot locate a partner. Thus an active minority sets the tone and makes hooking up a ‘culture.’ When there are no sexual boundaries, either official or informal, the standard becomes the extreme, and all students feel the pressure to appear more promiscuous than they are. The traditional double standard of sexual conduct – more restrictive for women than for men – has been replaced by the single standard of the predatory male.”

Harvey C. Mansfield, reviewing Donna Freitas’s Sex and the Soul in today’s Wall Street Journal

Anger: Most excused behavior among Christians?

May 1, 2008 Leave a comment

As I mentioned yesterday, Michael Spencer, the IMonk, linked this week to a two of his old posts on anger. Here are some quotes from his second post I wanted to mention, made on April 26, 2006. Reflects some of my own thinking on the topic. Thanks brother.

“Anger must be among the most excused of behaviors among Christians.”

“We’re reluctant to deal with this problem. It’s “excusable” and we expect that others will see it as a common failing. In fact, we need to have people in our lives who can confront us with the details and the effects of our anger. We need to be rid of the notion that our anger is not affecting other people. We need to admit that it is a perception of a threat, and a response to a threat that is often wrong on both counts. We need to look at our anger as others see and experience it- particularly children and observers. A video tape would be embarrassing, but it might do us all a lot of good.”

“If there is any area where we all need to help one another to do a general repentance and walk a better way, I believe anger would be a good place to begin.”


Anger management or repentance?

April 30, 2008 Leave a comment

In reading IMonks posting of April 26, he provided a couple of links from previous posts he had made about anger. Very interesting and they deserve a link. In one from April 29, 2006 called, Anger: What Can I Do?, he challenges us to consider Paul’s exhortations in Colossians 3:5-13 in relationship to anger. Spencer writes in response to this passage, “The majority of the rational, willing acts of changed behavior are within the choices of all of us who have the capacity to comprehend the language of scripture.” My initial reaction was to ask where is the Spirit of God that leads us to repentance? Paul is telling us to make choices here to “put off” and “put on” as he does in a similar way in Eph and ? I don’t want to diminish the power of our choices to bring about change but at the same time, I don’t want to depend upon my power to make those choices and to live the life of the Spirit. I suppose this is where “divine-human cooperation” comes in which Gary Thomas wrote about so well in his book, The Beautful Fight–very attractive to me what he writes–perhaps that is why I made so many posts about his book.

I so like what IMonk says next in his post on anger.

These choices are made in the context of seeing ourselves in Christ. Paul addresses anger as one of those things that should be renounced in the old life, and replaced with the virtues of the Spirit. These are choices made in the community of Christian disciples, seeking to help one another along the path of life in Christ. These are changes saturated in worship, prayer and honest relationships. We are pursuing all the implications of belonging to Jesus Christ in a new world on the other side of his resurrection. This is a community project, a spiritual project, a Biblical project.”

He then makes six comments about anger that are well worth your time to read in full.

1) Anger is often one of the “icebergs” of the human personality. We have to find what is under the surface, and not just deal with the last blow-up.

2) Every Christian man needs to be in an accountability relationship/group where his life story can become part of how other men help him see his own behavior.

3) Truthful, responsible restitution is important.

4) Anger often dwells in patterns; often in trigger behaviors that cause us to react far beyond the rational.

5) Many of us are quite aware of why we are angry, but we can’t be honest about it.

6) As I said, consultation with a doctor or counselor is a wise choice.

7) Read Andrew Lester’s books on Anger and the Christian. Very helpful. C.J. Mahaney on humility won’t hurt you either.

There are a lot of guys out there with anger issues–from my observation, we are often reluctant to share what our anger looks like inside our family with other men and if we do, the other guys mumble something about relating to the “anger” thing but how often are we willing to walk together with one another.  In my own case, it took me a loooooong time to see that I was angry and then once I realized my anger, it has been a longer journey addressing the underlying causes.  I could not have done that without others and am now able to see more easily my own anger.  However, at the moment, I find myself quite isolated and wonder if there is anyone in my life right now that knows me well enough to see when I get angry (besides my wife), much less who will speak to me about it.  How sad and how wrong.

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A book on chastity for women that men need to read?

April 9, 2008 Leave a comment

La Shawn Barber blogs about a new book on Chastity. The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On by author Dawn Eden. Barber explains why her faith in Christ has been instrumental in her own committment to chastity. She writes, “By chaste, I mean voluntarily abstaining from sex until marriage and from extramarital sex while married.” It looks like a book written for single women but it might be a insightful read for men to see the other side of the story and for any of us who are parents. Reminds me when I asked my wife to read, Arterburn’s book, Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation so that she would understand what was going on inside me as a man.

One of my new favorite songs

March 21, 2008 1 comment

Thanks to La Shawn Barber’s Corner I found out about seeqpod which is a search program for the web in which you can find lots of music (and much more although I have not looked at more than music). La Shawn Barber is a Christian political blogger that some of you may want to examine–her post about 11 years of sobriety is powerful. Thanks La Shawn!!

But what I really wanted to post was to tell you how I found on seeqpod a number of videos for the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. There are a number of youtube videos–not all I can recommend. By the way, I would be very interested to learn about the legality of posting a copyrighted song on youtube. Here is one home made video of this awesome song that I think will touch the most hardened among us.

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Transformed eyes

February 27, 2008 2 comments

Since I struggle with lust as much as any other man, I expected that Gary Thomas would mention Job 31:1 (I made a covenant with my eyes not look lustfully at a girl.”) in his chapter on “Eyes That See.” However, what I was not prepared for was his point that it is having transformed eyesight does not mean an avoidance of evil, it means looking on all people the way God sees them. God wants to start with our eyes and end up with compassion in our hearts. Thomas writes,

“It’s not enough to see someone and refrain from hating him. It’s not sufficient to abstain from lust, prejudice, or disdain. . . The gospel of transformation calls me to progress from not lusting to having eyes that honor, respect, and generate compassion. God wants to transform my eyes from being selfish possessors and consumers to being his servants of selfless love.” 62-63

Thomas writes about the covenant of the eyes in Job 31:1

“Make a covenant with God, offering your eyes to be his servants, to notice the discouraged, to have compassion on the poor and hungry, to see what God wants you to see through his eyes. What you once saw as beautiful you may now see as hideous; what you once loathed may now be awe-inspiringly gorgeous.” 69

I guess the problem with my eyes is worse than I thought it was and yet there is also more hope than I thought possible.

Accountability questions

February 22, 2008 Leave a comment

I posted a page today on personal accountability questions from David Mays and here are the ones that David Mays uses himself. Guess this means I need to find an accountability partner/group now.

David Mays’ accountability group:

Since we last met,

· Have you had a consistent time of Bible reading and prayer?

· Have you viewed pornography in any form?

· Have you touched or looked at a woman inappropriately?

· Have you taken two full evenings off work?

· Is there anyone to whom you have been disrespectful?

· How has your countenance been?

· Did you invest the proper quality/quantity of time in your most important relationships?

· Did your life reflect verbal integrity?

· Have you been knowingly disobedient to the Lord in any way?

· Have you lied to me just now?

“Slow Fade”–a song worth hearing!

January 18, 2008 2 comments

Bought Casting Crowns “The Altar and the Door” CD and have listened to it a number of times. The third song, called “Slow Fade” is a delicious haunting melody with words that slap you around–in a good sort of way. Indeed, we are led astray by small, seemingly insignificant decisions.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

She says, “I am lonely” and he says, “I am a failure.”

December 25, 2007 Leave a comment

One of the most interesting parts of Dan Allender’s seminar on “Loving Your Story” was his section on the results of the fall.

Genesis 3 and curses

Woman “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.”

  • Describes the desire or desperation within the heart of every woman
  • Men respond to this desire within women by shame, contempt, anger and intimidation
  • Women are shaped by God to reveal His tender heart
  • Woman will suffer in all relationships. Her desire will feel too much for her.
  • This is why all cultures and marriages find ways to silence women, telling them that there emotional needs are illegitimate. The tragedy is that many women believe this lie
  • Women are always seeking to help insecure men from feeling inadequate

Man “Cursed is the ground…thorns and thistles…painful toil …to dust you will return

· For man the fruit of the earth will not come easily

· Man will suffer a world that does not make it easy for him

· Nothing a man builds will last, all will return to dust

After the fall

  • Women say “I am lonely, I have too much desire or desperation, I am too much.”
  • Men say, “I am a failure, I cannot be exposed, I am not enough.”
  • If women feel lonely and men feel like a failure, how do we come together under grace to get back home to Eden? Owning, knowing and telling our story?

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