The intimacy of knowing “Your name”

After traveling to the U.S. and back, it is taking me awhile to get into a healthy rhythm of life. I guess I should not be surprised since sleep patterns are disrupted, schedules are out of whack and my body does not always travel well! In any case, it is good to be back in the Philippines. Although I finished most of my reading I have reading yet to do for my “Readings in Western Spirituality.” My mind continues to feel a bit like mush and it has not been easy to concentrate. The last two nights I have been able to get to bed early and the Lord has awakened me early so that I can have some lengthier times to read, pray and reflect and my times have been sweet.

My Psalm for the week is in Psalm 9. After three days, the words are beginning to soak in and do their work in my heart. Picked up the New Living Translation for my reading this week and it has been lovely to read. Two verses stood out for me this morning.

“I will be filled with joy because of you.

I will sing praises in your name

O Most High.” Psalm 9:2

I don’t know of anything that I long to see more of in my life than joy. There is something about the phrase, “I will be filled with joy” that lends itself to dreams of greater intimacy. For one, He gives me joy, I do not have to pursue it or attempt to make it happen. Second, there is a certainty, an assurance about “I will be filled” that I find very attractive. It seems that my role is to be in a relationship with God in which I am recognizing His good works in my life and all around me and there is a continual praising of who God is.

“Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, O LORD, have never

abandoned anyone who searches for you.” Psalm 9:10

What intimacy in these words! There is something holy about the phrase, to “know your name,” something sacred. I have knowledge of “your name” because of God’s self-revelation. He has initiated this most special relationship. And the Psalmist seems to be saying that it is natural, normal, even right that people “who know your name” “trust” God. Refuge, hiding place, rock, fortress are a few of the images that the Psalms use that this line bring to my memory. With all the pain I have heard in the last month or so, the final words are comforting and reassuring. Yahweh never abandons anyone who searches for Him! And behind the desperate searching, God has already been at work, drawing us back to the source of our life, to the one alone who has the words and strength we need. He is the one who has started on this restless search in the first place. YES!

“Without grace, then, what am I but a dry stick to be cast away?”

I am in the middle of a very interesting discussion on a Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ. It seems that he sees as the goal of religion is holiness and his book is helping us to control our passions (or dispositions of the heart. Following is another nugget from a Kempis  

Though I am worried and vexed by troubles on every side, I will not need to fear while your grace is with me.  It is my strength, my comfort, my counsel and my help.  It is stronger than all my enemies, and wiser than all the wisest of this world.  Your grace is the mistress of truth, the teacher of discipline, the light of the heart.  It is the comfort of trouble, the banisher of desolation, and the bearer of sweet tears and devout weeping.  Without grace, then, what am I but a dry stick to be cast away? Grant therefore, that Your grace may go before me and follow me, and make me ever busy and diligent in good works unto my death.  So may it be.  Book 3:56

Loneliness

Since I have been feeling “lonely” this week, the following quote from Henry Nouwen caught my eye.  Subscribe to the Henri Nouwen Society

Creating Space to Dance Together

When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person or persons ho can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, “Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me.” But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness away cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair. As long as we approach another person from our loneliness, no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and to trust that this space allows us to dance together.

You mean to be spiritual, I must be willing to be corrected?

Since I just finished the biography of Therese of Liseaux (who suffered a lot from her superiors for alleged defects), this quote from Thomas a Kempis below seems to fit well.  Or to  state it as my prof said last week, Word-bearers should be training their people so that they may correct the Word-bearer when he is wrong. In other words, we must ask ourselves, “Am I willing to be corrected?”

Here is a Kempis, “When you refuse to be rebuked and punished for your defects, it appears evident that you are not truly humble, and that you are not yet dead to the world or the world yet truly crucified to you.“  Book 3:46

What’s in a name?

Andrew Purvis in his book, Crucifixion of Ministry reflects on Acts 4:7, 12 and the question posed to the disciples by the Jewish leaders, “By what name?” By the name of Jesus is their answer when they say, “There is no other name.” Their question says Purvis raises up issues today about “truth, authority, meaning and value.” 32 Since our pastor started a series on truth last week, I have been thinking a bit about truth this week. Italics following are original.

 

The question does not pose the issue of truth in any abstract manner. . . The question of truth is now posed as a personal question.  33

Purvis suggests that the ”central issue of truth” is not “Which truth?” but the question of Who is truth? He writes, “What if truth at its heart is about a relationship with a person before subscription to an idea?” 33

If priority is given to the “Who?” question, it is appropriate and even necessary to ask, “What then is truth’s name? We should not merely ask, “In what do I believe?” Instead we should ask, “In whom do I believe?” Truth is about being in love rather than being right.  Truth is lived in terms of a relationship with God and not in terms of vindication. 33

 Pilate asked the wrong question when he confronted Jesus and asked, “What is truth?” (John 18:38) The question of truth is not a What? Or a How? question but a Who? question. Ultimately physics and every other sphere of human inquiry will end up having to give the answer Truth’s name is Jesus. 35

One depiction of Acts 4:12

“Slow Fade”–a song worth hearing!

Bought Casting Crowns “The Altar and the Door” CD and have listened to it a number of times. The third song, called “Slow Fade” is a delicious haunting melody with words that slap you around–in a good sort of way. Indeed, we are led astray by small, seemingly insignificant decisions.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Possible by grace, impossible by nature

The longer I live, the more I understand my need for the following prayer by Thomas a Kempis

“Oh Lord Jesus, make possible to me by grace what is impossible to me by nature.” Book3:19 Imitation of Christ

Reflections on Ps 93:1

Spent a delicious week in Psalm 93. Here are some reflections from my first day–captured by the first verse

Yahweh is robed in majesty

How could I ever be proud when confronted with one who is clothed with majesty. Oh Yahweh forgive me–allow me to acknowledge you in your proper place–yes! You don’t only look like the king, You ARE the king–You are true through and through–no falseness in You. I don’t know how to take this since–deception and falseness–well let’s just say they continue to show up in my life and character. I have moments of truthfulness but they are but glimpses and then I return to hiding who I really am–why is that? Fears that I will not measure up? that others will see me for who I am and not like that person? But in hiding, I never find out who I truly am and in the darkness it is difficult to reach out and hold You when I continue to grasp for a foot hold onto which I can cling–rescue me, Oh majestic one from myself that I might receive you in all Your splendor.

Yahewh reigns–it is a matter of fact. You are in control–again–I am so aware how utterly out of control I am in my life–I cannot make anything happen. I cannot control my own activities much less lead others to obedience and Your will. Lord, I could despair at these thoughts but You catch me in my falling, and as I let go, in my abandonment to Your will, I find peace.

Yahweh is armed with strength–yet Your strength is not something external to You–no it is part and parcel of who You are. Your strength does not wane, does not increase, is never used to dominate or control or oppress others. You never need to show others that You are strong, never do You look into a mirror to see how strong You look. You are content and at peace–at rest in Your strength. You do not try to become someone you are not. You are complete and as I am IN YOU, I am complete.

Whatever or whoever I can think of that is massive or intimidating, You are so much more. And yet, with You, there is always a welcome, a genuine invitation to fellowship and enjoy Your presence. Why am I so foolish to ignore You and to think that with others I might find more intimately and stimulating conversations. How intelligent You are, so complete is Your knowledge and understanding. And yet, You never make me feel small, insignificant or stupid. You accept me as I am and communicate a pleasure in me that makes me at times uncomfortable.  Invade my soul and remove those fears that I have of intimacy–let me stay still and and enjoy Your presence–apart from any thought of fear or harm. You have the ability to warm my heart, to protect and nurture me. I do not naively think there are not others out there who would take advantage of my tender heart of my trusting soul. And yet, Oh Lord, You are the protector of this tender heart of mine that I am giving to You.

Another prayer for your will to be done

Prayer from Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ

Grant that I may always desire and will what is most pleasing and acceptable to You. Let Your will be my will, and let my will always follow Your will and best conform with it. Let there be always in me one will and one desire with You, and grant that I may have no power to will or not to will except as You will or do not will. Grant that I may die to all things in the world, and that for You I may love to be despised and be a man unknown in this world. . . You Lord, are the truest peace of the heart, and the perfect rest of body and soul, and without You all things weary and disturb. Book 3:15

Submission to leadership

A couple of quotes from a Kempis from last week. Has there been progress in this area for me?

“If a man cannot gladly submit himself to his superiors, it is a sign that his flesh is not yet fully obedient to the spirit, but that it often rebels and murmurs.”

“There is no worse and more threatening enemy to your soul than yourself, if you flesh is not submissive to the will of the spirit.”

Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ Book 3:14

The darkness of Gethsemane

Started reading from The Crucifixion of Ministry by Andrew Purves this morning. It is not like I don’t have anything else to read but I saw it in the bookstore and picked it up and couldn’t keep away from it.  My favorite paragraph from the introduction.

“The darkness of Gethsemane is never welcomed. Its nights are too long and fretful, its prayers are too hard, its waiting is too lonely and its tears are too stained with metaphorical blood to be welcome. We stare into the spiritual void, into the theological abyss; we discover the terror of our personal tohu wabohu (the “formless and void” of Genesis 1:2) and vaguely hope that the Spirit of God hovers over us as he did at the creation.”

Purves is writing about “the wall” (my word) many (most?) of us hit in our ministry when we realize it is not working.  A few other quotes to help you pick up what he is saying

“I have discovered a terrible limiting truth about myself.  I am not the Messiah. I don’t do salvation any more.  I am being crucified; I am gone from the center of the picture. ” 24

“We are made with boundaries we can’t transcend.”  25 ouch!

He quotes statistics that say 40% of people in the ministry suffer from mild to severe burnout, one third leave ministry in the first 7 years, never to return and 62% of ministers have little spiritual life.

He is hoping we will move to the following point.

“The ministry of Jesus is displacing me from the throne of “my” ministry. In truth it was never mine.” 24

Needless to say, I will be reflecting more on this book

Church’s Journey of Holy Love

Looked at Ephesians today in class, part of a discussion on how to read and study a whole book–Here is a summary of the discussion that Dr. David Thompson gave us in class.

Purpose right in opening doxology–God’s people are to be holy and blameless before him in love?

Prayers in Eph 115-23 and 3:14-21 serve the purpose of means—how are we going to be God’s people who are holy and blameless before him in love?

Holy Love Buy in in 4:25-5:2 Six Admonitions but each has a transformative journey behind it

v 25 Delusion to Disclosure Speaking truth to one another after having put aside falsehood (side comment: speaking falsehood destroys community at every level)

v 26, 27 Diabolical anger to Dynamic anger–be angry in ways that do not lead you into sin (side comment: if we are not angry about something then maybe it is a symptom of a limp and inactive faith) Remember Allender–what makes you angry!

v 28 Parasite to Partner Movement from stealing to Working so that you may have something to share with others

v 29, 30Toxic Talk to Constructive Communication

vv 31-32Rage to Reconciliation

5: 1, 2 Live out of love (Side comment those who love the most have the deepest sense of being loved)

Whatever you will

With fear and trembling, I offer this prayer from a Kempis.

“Give me what You will, as much as You will, and when You will. Do with me as You know best to be done, as it shall please You, and as it shall be most to Your honor. Put me where You will, and freely do with me in all things according to Your will. I am Your creature, and in Your hands; lead me and turn me where You will. Lo, I am Your servant, ready to do all things that You command, for I do not desire to live to myself, but to You. Would to God that I might live worthily and profitably, and to Your honor. ” Book 3:15

He taught them as one having authority

He taught them as one having authority, not as the teachers of the law. Mk 1:22

There are some pretenders out there in leadership positions.  They are given a little responsibility, a little authority and then they begin to live so that they will not lose this authority–they fear loss and humiliation, their fear keeps them from making strong, tough, radical, wild, faith-embracing decisions.  They are concerned only to maintain the status quo.  How sad the potential of what could have been slowly drifting away and they become cold and lifeless figures in a structure that is to be pitied  Oh give me a vision of service with Your authority–nothing to prove to anyone!

reading scripture well

Just finished my last book for class that begins tomorrow.  A couple of juicy quotes from John Webster’s Holy Scripture.

We do not read well because of technical incompetence cultural distance, lack of readerly sophistication but because in reading “we are addressed by that which runs contrary to our will” 87

Exegetical difficulties are in the end not the heart of the difficulty of reading scripture. The real problem lies elsewhere, in our defiance of grace. 106

“God loses nothing of our past for His purposes!”

More from Allender’s seminar on “Learning to Love Your Story.”

Allender said that due to the nature of sin, we want to hide our weakness and brokeness.  We hide and fight others who can expose our heart.  I can certainly identify with that although it seems that we should be safe with our fellow brothers and sisters.  In my experience, it usually takes one person to have the courage to start and then others soon follow with their stories of brokeness.  Allender encouraged us by saying, “Brokeness is what God uses to heal us.  Weakness is the way God’s strength is shown.”  Ok, I can live with that–just read 2 Cor 4!  Following are some notes that I took from his seminar.  Maybe they will encourage you as they did for me.

“The stories that did you harm, God loves to use for yours and others redemption,” according to Allender.  “God wants to redeem and use for good where it looks like evil had won.  Because our memories are often so painful, we don’t want to look at them. But there is something in those stories tha will reveal the heart of Jesus.  He wants us to turn, look at and enter into our stories.  Our stories of failure and sin are doorways to reveal how much God loves us. We are sometimes afraid of our past because it carries too much shame. Yet, Jesus uses this shame to shape us for the Kingdom of God.  God uses our past to bless others (remember Joseph in Gen 50:20).  God loses nothing of our past for His purposes!  How?  We don’t know but God wastes nothing! 

He also will use our strategies that we have developed to cope with our encounters with pain and evil.  More about that next time.