Why it is so hard to control anger

For some time, I have wanted to read Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence. Pulled it off the shelf a few weeks ago and have been reading it. Surprisingly, it is not as easy a read as I thought it would be. He goes into the physiology of emotions and with a biology background, I did find that interesting. Perhaps in his second book, he gets a little more practical. But, when he began to describe what happens in the emotion of anger, I had to do a post on it. This helps me to understand why it is such a great temptation for me to hold onto my anger and not forgive someone! Anger is one way we men to to deal with depression–we try to get control of our circumstances and that usually involves anger.

Anger is the mood people are worst at controlling. Indeed, anger is the most seductive of the negative emotions; the self-righteous inner monologue that propels it along fills the mind with the most convincing arguments for venting rage. Unlike sadness, anger is energizing, even exhilarating. Anger’s seductive, persuasive power may in itself explain why some views about it are so common: that anger is uncontrollable, or that, at any rate, it should not be controlled, and that venting anger in “catharsis” is all to the good.

A Short Introduction to Hermeneutics

With some free time today, I was able to finish the above book by David Jasper.  It is a short book, only seven chapters and is basically a brief historical review of the reading and interpretation of the Bible.  He raises some relevant issues that I hope we get to discuss in my January class on Hermeneutics at Asbury Seminary.  

The last chapter was a discussion on postmodern hermeneutics and he notes the following, “It has even been recently suggested that the painter Rembrandt is the greatest biblicla critic ever to come out of the Netherlands.  But how do we ‘read’ a painting?” (128)  He suggests that reading a painting is closer to “what we have traditionally called meditation.”  Intriguing to me since I have been exposed to the use of art in some of my spiritual formation studies and have tried to use it with some groups.  Certainly, spending time gazing at Rembrandts, “The Prodigal Son,” is a valuable tool in helping us understand this great passage in the book of Luke.

Running to love

Running with absolute abandon to the waiting arms of my Father

Accepting, inviting, strong and comforting arms

Finding refuge and solace in who You are

All fear is gone, replaced by a

            Reverential calm that I do not understand

Have to let go, lest in my groping

            I lose intimate awareness of Your grace

I want to bottle it, take a picture, record this moment

            So that I have memories of a time when You came to me

Boring to be alive or alive and free

Read this from Imitation of Christ this afternoon

“but, alas, for sorrow, it is through our own sloth and negligence, and through wasting our time, that we have so soon fallen from our first fervor into such a spiritual weakness and dullness that is boring, as it were, to be alive.”  book 1:18

I hate to admit it but I understand this “walking dead” experience.  Only His grace and love delivers us to a life that is full and free, walking with the Spirit, knowing and being known.

A call to prayer

The last week has been tough week for me in a number of ways. Conflict in some key relationships, job frustration and the tension of not really knowing what should be doing and continuing computer problems. I have used these challenges as an excuse for my bad attitude and my lack of intimacy with the Lord Jesus.

But, there have been some good gifts in this week. Last Saturday, as I was sitting in our comfy chair and reading/journaling/praying, I started dreaming about the possibilities of ministry here. What a need there is with our men and I started thinking about various ways to get them together. But then I realized that I have not been praying for them, I mean really praying for them. I also realized that this is why my wife knows all the kids and names of our people–she prays for them weekly, by name. Duh! I remember Bobby Clinton saying once, “If God has called you to lead a group, he has called you to pray for them.” If I am only giving lip service to prayer, then who am I depending upon for my ministry and service? Hint–starts and ends with the ninth letter of the alphabet. The Lord kindly led me through a time of prayer for each of our men by name and the Lord again brought them to mind as I walked to work on Monday. I prayed for them as I walked, using the Jesus prayer and Psalm 44:7. A small but significant insight for which I am grateful.

Can I get away with judging others and not myself?

Of course, the answer to the above question is NO! But, when I read the following from a Kempis’ Imitation of Christ the other day it hit me hard again. I am guilty of exactly what he writes about. How easily it is to judge others for things that I myself am blind to in myself or worse yet, unwilling to work on in myself! Unfortunately, this sure seems to happens a lot in the church!

Study to always be patient in bearing other men’s defect, for you have many in yourself that others suffer from you, and if you cannot make yourself be as you would, how may you then look to have another regulated in all things to suit your will.

We would gladly have others perfect, yet we will not amend our faults. We desire others to be strictly corrected for their offenses, yet we will not be corrected. We dislike it that others have liberty, yet we will not be denied what we ask. We desire that others should be restrained according to the laws, yet we will in no way be restrained. And so it appears evident that we seldom judge our neighbors as we do ourselves.

A reminder to not trust in . . .

My Psalm for the week is Psalm 44.  As I have read it over and over, verse 6-8 have riveted my attention.  In particular, verse 6

I do not trust in my bow

My sword does not bring me victory

After a few days of meditation upon this, this verse serves as a great reminder of a fundamental truth that most of us easily speak about. But there is something about a reflection on these words that drive it home and have make me ask the question, what am I trusting in to accomplish the work of God?  My organization? hard work and perseverance? Bible knowledge?  Gifting? Other people?  Experience?  Connections?  etc.  Verses 7-8 give the corresponding answer to that and need some meditation of their own–connect them with verse 3 above.

My new favorite song

Our church sent us a new CD by their worship leader, Tim Suel, on his new CD, Come Like the Fall.  It is awesome. I can play one of his song, “Take Me”, over and over.  It is about the overwhelming love of Jesus.  It makes me want to enter into the presence of Jesus and just sit there and enjoy Him.  Looked for the lyrics somewhere but they don’t seem to be anywhere.  It is not an original composition so maybe that is the problem.  He talks about it on his website–written by a 19 year old!   If I can find more words I will re-post this. But here is the first stanza to give you a taste.  You can order the CD on his website–I am sure he gets more money that way but of course you can also go onto itunes if you got to have it now!

Sweet Jesus, my lover

my passion, my desire

Your love consumes me oh God

When I feel your touch

I can’t help to feel in love with you

all over again.

What do I need to do in order to forgive?

Final quote on this topic out of van Breeman’s The God Who Will Not Let Go.

• Whoever really wants to forgive has to come down from his throne. 127
• In order to forgive in freedom and love, we need inner truthfulness and a good amount of humility. 127
• Forgiveness is both a decision and a long process. We cannot do it all at once. We have to forgive many times before our heart becomes truly free. 127
• We must be willing and courageous and tenacious enough to forgive time and time again. 128
• Three phases to forgiveness

1. A Fundamental willingness to forgive

2. Desire to forgive grows, but it all takes place in our intellect and will power; the heart is not yet tuned in.

3. Forgiveness that really comes from the heart, in which bitterness disappears and we become much more transparent. 128

• All three phrases are grace. On our own strength, we are not capable of really forgiving, especially if it concerns deep hurt. 128

Ministry and the Spiritual Life

From Henri Nouwens Weekly Reflections, click to subscribe

All Jesus’ words and actions emerge from his intimate relationships with his Father. “Do you not believe,” Jesus says, “that I am in the Father and the Father is in me?

What I say to you I do not speak of my own accord: it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his works. You must believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe it on the evidence of these works” (John 14:10-11).

Just as all Jesus’ words and actions emerge from his communion with his Father, so all our words and actions must emerge from our communion with Jesus. “In all truth I tell you,” he says, “whoever believes in me will perform the same works as I do myself, and will perform even greater works. … Whatever you ask for in my name I will do” (John 14:12-13). It is this profound truth that reveals the relationship between the spiritual life and the life of ministry.

Does God love the self-righteous as well as the prodigals? Yep!

Heard a very challenging sermon yesterday from our guest speaker, Dr. Dale Brunner titled the “Parable of the Prodigal Father.” Why prodigal Father to describe the Luke 15 passage.  He is using prodigal in the sense of overwhelming, to describe his prodigious love he has for the son?  Indeed, the focus is on the Father and his amazing love.

Brunner pointed out that unexpected things happen in verses 12, 20 and 28.  In verse 12, we are surprised the Father grants the son’s request.  Shocking is the behavior of the Father in verse 20.  And, in verse 28, the Father does what none of us would have done–pleading with the elder son to come in to the party.  One of Brunner’s points–God loves the self-righteous as well as the prodigals!  Wow, yeah, I guess he does.  And I am glad he does because I have been as often in the self-righteous camp as I have in the prodigal camp.   Brunner shared that his favorite verse is verse 31–one that deserves some meditation.  “My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.”

A new study Bible?

From their website

The Gay and Lesbian Study Bible, translated from the Greek by Dr Ann Nyland, is a timely contribution to the spiritual needs of gay and lesbian followers of Christ. Dr Nyland’s close examination of the source materials shows beyond doubt that there is no textual basis in the Bible for the exclusion of same sex relations. The Gay and Lesbian Study Bible will give heart to many who feel that sexual orientation is irrelevant to spiritual communion, and it does so by paying meticulous scholarly attention to the true meanings of the source text of all Christian faith.– Dr William McDonald, University of New England.

Just what we needed–another study Bible! Saw this mentioned in a newsgroup I subscribe to and I had to mention it. I know often the mainstream evangelical “church” does not/has not/is not very welcoming to the gay community and yes, we have been judgmental. I guess our closed doors to the gay community has created the market for this kind of study Bible. But linguistic gymnastics will never prove the “rightness” of a theological position. This just makes me sad.

A few months ago, I went out with a team of ours here that has a ministry to a community of Gays in Sex Trade–Gist for short. These are men who are cross-dressers and are out on the street looking for customers in a certain part of the team. Our GIST team is reaching out to this neglected people group and showing them the love of Christ. As relationships are built, spiritual conversations have opened up. What is next? I don’t know. Here is another section from this new study Bible.

From the introduction

Generally speaking, many Christians are a judgmental lot and do not approve of women as Church leaders, divorced people, or homosexuals. However, these biases are not supported by the Bible itself. Some may appear to be, due to mistranslation, others are not supported even by that. Many Christians, when shown that a word they thought meant one thing in fact means something entirely different, simply do not wish to know. They prefer to disregard the evidence in order to adhere to their own closely held traditions.

In the New Testament, Jesus railed against legalistic religious leaders, and told us to beware of them. He at no point told us to beware of women as Church leaders, of divorced people, or of homosexuals. And of course he would not, as the New Testament in the original Greek does not speak against these three groups in any way whatsoever.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

If you have never heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, join the crowd.

In his blog, boingboing Mark Fraunfelder talks about the the topics related to the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the upcoming Annual meeting of the American Academy of Religion. Such is religious scholarship?  Part religious spoof but a negative reaction to the intelligent design movement.  I am glad our God is personal and has revealed Himself to us in words that we can understand.  We don’t have to create a God from our imaginations!

I don’t usually post about weird stuff–hope I don’t regret it!

Why is forgiveness so hard?

Consider the following quote from Peter van Breeman

Something in us wants to hold on to our pain and our justified bitterness.  It is like a dark treasure that we wrongly consider to be precious.  We cherish it.  The other has been unfair and unjust to us.  We dwell on it. .  .  .We nurture the gloomy mystery of our pain and bitterness with a kind of addiction that wrecks havoc.  Indeed, in this way we destroy our own life and ruin our happiness.” 125

It does not matter how much teaching we have received or even given on forgiveness.  It is never easy to forgive.  If forgiveness does not cost us something, I wonder if we really needed to forgive or if we truly have forgiven.  Every time I am tempted to hold onto my hurt and withhold forgiveness, I remember that I am not punishing the other person but myself.  Maybe forgiveness is so hard because it costs us so much.

Essential to acknowledge uncertainty in medical treatments

Jerome Groopman in How Doctors Think, encourages us (and our doctors) to recognize and admit that in many cases, there may be uncertainty in our diagnosis and treatment but he says, too often doctors show a disregard of uncertainty.  He describes three kinds of uncertainty

1. “Results from incomplete or imperfect mastery of available knowledge.  No one can have at his command all skills and all knowledge of the lore of medicine.” 152
2. Limitations due to “current medical knowledge.  There are innumerable questions to which no physician, however well trained, can provide answers.” 152
3. Deriving from “the difficulty in distinguishing personal ignorance or ineptitude and the limitations of present medical knowledge.” 152

 Groopman concludes his chapter on uncertainty with the following which is worth considering.

 Does acknowledging uncertainty undermine a patient’s sense of hope and confidence in his physician and the proposed therapy?  Paradoxically, taking uncertainty into account can enhance a physician’s therapeutic effectiveness, because it demonstrates his honesty, his willingness to be more engaged with his patients, his commitment to the reality of the situation rather than resorting to evasion, half-truth, and even lies.  And it makes it easier for the doctor to change course if the first strategy fails, to keep trying.  Uncertainty is essential for success. 155

God created light, light that is useful, fitting and healthy

Gen 1:3-5 God creates the light.  Allen Ross in his commentary, Creation and Blessing writes the following:

 It is natural light, physical light, but it is much more.  The Bible show again and again that light and darkness signify mutually exclusive realms, especially in spiritual matters of good and evil.  .  . Light represents that which is holy, pure, true, life-giving, and gladdening.  .  . In the act of creating light in the darkened arena of the world, God thus manifested his nature and will.

The idea of the word “good” (tob) is that light is useful, fitting and healthy.  That which is good is conducive for and enhances life—so light is good, not the darkness. 108

It is better to live under authority than to be in authority.

I wonder how these words would fit in with our commonly held views about leadership! Being one that has not always been comfortable under the yoke of authority, the following words from a Kempis bring me to reconsider my current attitudes. A Kempis says that is better to live under authority rather than in a state of authority. His words seem particularly applicable to those of us in ministry (whether full-time or part-time). I am trying to figure out a way to wiggle out of his words but have been unable to do so yet!

Many are under obedience more out of necessity than of charity and they have great pain and easily murmer and complain; they will never have liberty or freedom of spirit until they submit themselves wholly to their superiors. Go here and there where you will, you will never find perfect rest, save in humble obedience, under the governance of your proper superior. Dreaming of a change of place has deceived many a person in religion. Book 1:9

FYI, I have been reading through Thomas a Kempis’ Imitation of Christ—trying to read a few chapters each day, for an upcoming class.

Encouragement from 2 Thes 3:16-17

What a prayer of blessing this!  That you may be personally encouraged by the Lord Jesus Himself and God the Father.  Our Father is the one who loves us and who by (and because of) grace gives us eternal encouragement and good hope!   May the Son and the Father intimately be involved in your life today by encouraging your hearts and strengthening you in every good deed and word!

The Problem of Being Hurt

Continuing to think about forgiveness and thoughts from van Breeman’s The God Who Will Not Let Go. Why do I need to forgive someone? Because they have hurt me. I have experienced some kind of loss–might be respect, control, security, etc. One reason that I get angry is because I have been hurt. The hurt can go either way–into bitterness or be healed by my forgiving of the one who has hurt me. So, does that mean that every time I get hurt and then angry, someone needs to apologize for the hurt they have caused me? I don’t think so. Van Breeman writes,

 

Perhaps the person hurting us intended something completely different from what we understood. There may be a mistake on our part, or on the other’s part. 124

In these cases, after I have calmed down, I need to try to understand what has happened and depending on the relationship, I can talk about the action or words that caused pain to me. I need to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and I need grace when I have misunderstood another person’s words or actions so that I can move on. Van Breeman also writes,

Morever, even if the other person is guilty, it can very well be that we, too, are guilty. . . .The anger we feel at the guilt of the other can readily lead to repression of our own guilt. 124 Been there, done that.

Been there, done that. Lewis mentioned this in his chapter on pride. The more proud we are, the more it irritates us when we see it in others. Log and the speck in Mtt 7:3-5 seems to apply in this instance.  Finally, van Breeman writes

Next, we should never forget that every person is larger than his or her failings. 124

I know sometimes when I am mad at someone, I can exagerate a negative quality in them that bothers me and this is wrong. It is certainly nice to know that I am more than just my failings and need to give others the same benefit of the doubt.

What kind of faith do I have?

Here is part of an interesting post from Real Live Preacher I am not sure how I would answer his question. How about you? I would like to say that I have a bold faith, a vibrant faith, a compassionate faith. But, the truth is–too often I have a weak faith by which I am just able to hold on and not give up in the face of discouragements or disappointments. I take comfort in Jesus words that our faith only need to be as small as a mustard seed (Mtt 17:20) and in God’s promises to never let me go (Jn 10; Heb 13).  He holds onto me tighter than I could ever hold onto Him!

What kind of faith do you have?

Is it frightened faith? You need the comfort of believing in the stuff your parents taught you about God, and you’re scared shitless that someone is going to talk you out of it? That’s okay. I’ve been there myself. I’m just trying to figure you out.

Or is yours that kind of arrogant faith that says, “Everyone else must be a complete idiot not to have faith and believe what I believe.” I hope not, because you seem so nice. Plus, I probably don’t believe what you believe, so now I’m stupid and how are we going to have a decent conversation once that’s established?

Is it desperate faith? Are you trying to hold onto meaning in a world in which meaning is increasingly hard to find? Yeah, I get that. I feel you.

Is it stubborn faith, like mine? Are you just ornery enough to stare down an empty universe and say, “I DEMAND that there be meaning in these skies.” And then you stare real hard and angry right into the Milky Way. Then you laugh because of how small and silly you are. You laugh at yourself, but you keep staring. You ARE going to stare down the universe.

Read the rest of this post at tony morgan live