Helpful reminders about spiritual direction from van Kaam and Muto

With relief, I just finished my last paper for my July class. Only one month late! I didn’t realize what a burden this was hanging over my head. “Becoming a spiritual guide for missionaries” was the title of my paper. Unfortunately, it is not my best work but at least it is done. The most valuable part of the paper was going back through the books that we had used and reflecting on them. Here are a few nuggets gleaned.

Helpful reminders about spiritual direction from van Kaam and Muto

1. Spiritual direction is not the same as therapeutic counseling. As a spiritual director, I should be aware when people need to be referred to a counselor. In spiritual direction, the focus is upon divine directives given in the present life situation instead of trying to solve problems (often from the pre-transcendent past). “Therapy can only do so much for a person. Spiritual direction complements therapy.” Dynamics 331
2. In spiritual direction, I am helping people move from a focus on the functional dimension to the transcendent dimension. (Epiphany 23)
3. “The first task of spiritual guidance ought to be to free us from entrenchment in ways of life that may be suitable for others but that would prove in the end to be fatal for us.” Dynamics 38
4. Real formation is a gift that frees us to be who we are because it helps us to see that without God we are and can do nothing.” (Dynamics 62)
5. It does not matter how much we have read or studied about spirituality but about “how honest we have been with ourselves.” (Dynamics 69
6. “Self-examination includes putting our plans to the test of reality. It involves not just us but other people. We must be ready to change the moment we discover that we were mistaken.” (Dynamics 231)
7. “Clearing the channels of our responsiveness to Christ is the purpose of all three modes of spiritual direction.” (Dynamics 438)
8. “To keep myself attuned to the movements of the Spirit, I must work through my own resistance to grace, turning, if necessary, to spiritual direction for myself or seeking further enlightenment about this art of arts. (Dynamics 343)
9. “The Spirit awakens the slumbering longing for transcendence buried by the Father in our inmost being. He masterminds all the landscapes of our existence to facilitate growth in spiritual maturity.” Foundations 182
10. “Learning unsupported by grace may get into our ears; it never reaches the heart. It makes great noise outside but serves no inner purpose.” (Foundations 26)

 

Poor and needy

I got stuck this morning on “answer me O Lord because I am poor and needy” out of Psalm 86.  While some might argue that I am not so poor in material terms compared to many of those in the Philippines, I acknowledge my total poverty before God.  Even though my pride wants to raise its ugly head and say that I am not so needy, I know that is a lie.  As Paul says, “my conscience may be clear but that does not make me innocent–the Lord that is the one who judges me.” 1 Cor 4:4  Warning about pride in v6, he says in v7, For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive?  And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?”  Poor and needy indeed!

How about these words of warning from Henry Nouwen that I read last week:

O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.  I am impressed by my own spiritual insights.  I probably know more about prayer, meditation, and contemplation than most Christians do.  I have read many books about the Christian life, and have even written a few myself.  Still, as impressed as I am, I am more impressed by the enormous abyss between my insights and my life.

It seems as if I am standing on one side of a huge canyon and see how I should grow toward you, live in your presence and serve you but cannot reach the other side of the canyon where you are.  I can speak and write, preach and argue about the beauty and goodness of the life I see on the other side, but how O Lord can I get there?  Sometimes I even have the painful feeling that the clearer the vision, the more aware I am of the depth of the canyon.  From A Cry for Mercy 

Aware this day of my limitless need of His grace and mercy!

You alone are God, I am not!

Psalm for the week is Psalm 86–it is full of encouraging truths about God and life in general!!  I underlined a number of verses and scribbled around in it but two verses stand out to me this morning.

v 10 “You alone are God.”  I need to hear these words and let them sink deep within me this morning.  As I consider the needs around us here, they can be overwhelming, a heavy burden, especially if I begin to think that information about needs constitutes responsibility for them.  God alone is capable of caring for the needy, oppressed, wounded, lonely and fatigued.  His yoke is easy and burden is light.  Indeed, He alone is God, I am not.  I wonder if we are in our new position here primarily in order to pray for folks.

v13 “For great is your love toward me.”  I can only give that which I have received.  Apart from Him, I can do nothing.  How I need to be immersed in the truth and experience of His love!   I know I am loved by God but too often my heart experience lags far behind what I know.  Oh, may I be captured and overwhelmed by His love this day.   Eph 3:18-19 is a great prayer on this.

The five most dreaded words in any man’s life, “Honey, we have to talk.”

Started reading How Can I Get Through To You by Terrence Real and it is hard hitting. He provides this depressing statistic, “. . . in all couples, rich and poor, happy and unhappy, one of the most reliable predictors of marital dissatisfaction is simple longeviety. The longer couples live together, the lower their reported contentment.” 35

Real suggests that the cause of this growing discontentment is the desire and need for intimacy on the part of women and the inability of men to provide that intimacy. Here is another hard hitting statement that comes out of a case study involving a couple called Steve and Maggie. I might add that when I read the story about Steve and Maggie I saw a lot of Steve’s poor relating styles as patterns I am continuing to work on.

The problem is that when Steve claims not to grasp what Maggie wants of him, he is telling the truth. Empathy, sensitivity, knowing what he feels and wants, speaking with a vulnerable heart, even introspection itself–these skills belong to a world Steve left behind a long time ago. They are the very “feminine” qualities that most boys, even in these enlightened times, have had stamped out of them. In our culture, boys and men are not now, nor have they ever been, raised to be intimate. They are raised to be competitive performers.

Then, women should teach the men how to be intimate right? Ha, ha! Real writes,

The problem for women is this: since their expectations for closeness often exceed their partner’s level of skill, or even desire, the chances are good that if a wife does not teach her partner how she wants to be treated, over time, she will not like the treatment she receives. On the other hand, if she speaks out, the chances are good that she will be seen as a stereotypically “bad” woman–demanding, nagging, complaining. 39

I wonder if Real will talk about men mentoring other men in this area. Some of us have made progress in this area and hopefully we can pass it on to other men–if they are willing to listen! Real’s conclusion in his first chapter is that much of counseling that is done today does not address this “dead elephant sitting in the middle of the room, the unnamed truth that lies at the heart of current marital dissatisfaction.”

Women are unhappy in their marriages because they want men to be more related than most men know how to be. And men are unhappy in their marriages because their women seems to unhappy with them. 41

Real may not have all the answers in this book but he sure has identified a key issue here and hopefully will offer some solutions. More to follow.

“Deliver me from coldness of heart and wanderings of mind”

“Deliver me, when I draw near to You, from coldness of heart and wanderings of mind, that with steadfast thoughts and kindled affections, I may worship You in Spirit and in truth, through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen” A Guide to Prayer

No more foreigners!

My reading one day last week was Ephesians 2 and I was struck by verses 19-22.  No more foreigners.  For those of us in Christ, we now all share one citizenship, one that is in heaven.  No race or skin color or language or nationalities–all barriers have been broken down.  If God could break down the barriers between Gentiles and Jews, how much more the walls between different languages and people groups.  I am now a citizen of heaven and my brothers and sisters are fellow citizens with me, fellow members of God’s household, iisa lamang tayong lahat sa harapan ng Panginoon!  Built on the same foundation, apostles and prophets, their words and teachings and Jesus as our cornerstone.

In him (12), the whole building is joined together and rises and becomes a body of people in the Lord.  Wow, a holy temple for the Lord!! And in Him, you too are being built together to become a community in which God lives by His Spirit .

How then or why are we so divided with this truth.  How can there be racism, discrimination, favoritism in the body?  The body is us in You.  Oh Lord, forgive my judgmental, self-absorbed, proud and idolatrous ways.  Indeed, it is all about You!

The gift of sleep

After being away from regular email and internet connection, it is nice to be back at the office this morning.  When we left six days ago, we were going to pack up our things, say hello and good-bye to a lot of friends and begin to see how we might begin to minister to the team in our new role.  God was really watching over us as we visited places and saw people that were dear to us from living and serving with folks for over 12 years.  Once again, I was reminded that ministry is about people and relationships.  Overall, I did okay in terms of pacing, in not overdoing it but at the end, I kept Doris waiting on more than one occasion.  Need some serious reflection about the events of the week and where I am at emotionally.  Great times in the Word, especially in the Psalms–last week Psalm 141 “My eyes are fixed on You O Sovereign Lord. In you I take refuge.  Psalm 3 this week: God gives me the ability to sleep. I can sleep because of His care for me and while I sleep, my gifts charged.  I wake again, because the LORD sustains me–restores me, rejuvenates my strength, energy, enthusiasm, joy, appetite (gana), yes, Lord, what a gift sleep is–just as the other bodily functions!

God will use any tool at His disposal to mold us into the image of His Son!

I love what Ken Gire says in the conclusion to his book, Reflections on the Movies.  One reason I like it is because I have been discovering a little bit of God’s passionate pursuit of us over the past few years.

God is so passionate about molding us into the image of His Son that He will use any tool to accomplish that work.  He will use a pastor one day, a filmmaker the next.  One day he will use a professional counselor, the day after that a longtime friend. He may use a crisis, such as a death, or a celebration, such as a birth.  he may use a sad country song, or a joyful song of praise.  He may use a dream, or a daydream.  He may even use our sin, the way He did in David’s life.  Or a moment of betrayal, the way He did in Peter’s.

God is patient in making a masterpieces out of our lives, taking a lifetime if necessary.  He is also persistent. He will stop at nothing, except our own unwillingness to cooperate.  That is a boundary He has chosen not to cross.  But it is the only boundary.  Tragic circumstances won’t stop Him. Physical limitations won’t stop Him. Even satanic opposition won’t stop Him.

It doesn’t matter if life has shattered us, or some enemy, or even if we have caused the shattering ourselves.  God reaches down, picks up the pieces, and uses them to make something beautiful.

That is who He is.  That is what He does. 199

I know in the middle of some of these circumstances, it doesn’t seem like there is any control or design in the midst of apparent chaos.  But, once we get on the other side of whatever we are facing, things become a lot clearer.  In the meantime, we may just have to hold on and not forget what we have learned.  I know we don’t need to hear platitudes or have Rom 8:28 recited to us.  At one of the deepest points of my depression, a friend asked me, “Do you think Jesus would want you to be taking anti-depressants?”  Not exactly what I needed at the time.  Gire finishes up his chapter with these words:

But better to be humbled on earth than in heaven.

The work that is recognized by God and rewarded by Him is the work He is doing in us and through us in the lives of others.  It is the serious work of God to mold us into the image of His Son.  And He employs all sorts of workers to assist Him.

Even so menial a worker as a moment in the movies. 203

“When you go it alone, you damage yourself and those around you.”

Each morning at our office, we have a brief time together for some reading and prayer.  The topic today was on pain and our response to it.  As Christians we should be most prepared to deal with and face pain when it comes since our faith is based upon a God willing to suffer pain on our behalf so that we might have a relationship with Him.  I have heard amazing stories about Christians bringing glory to God as they have faced intense physical or emotional pain.  The problem comes when we do not face the pain in our lives. As Terrence Real says in his book, I don’t want to talk about it, one reason so many men face depression is that they do not face or deal well with the pain in their lives–often leading to addictive behavior to cover up the pain.

As the Pastor Steve said on Sunday, we are not created to carry our burdens (or pain) alone.  He said, “When you go it alone, you damage yourself and those around you.  Where are you carrying a burden alone?”  Great message from Exodus 18, a very familiar passage. What happens when others share the burden?  In the New Living translation of verse 23, “and the people will flourish” which was the title of the message. He concluded the sermon by playing a song by U2 that Bono sung at his father’s funeral, Sometimes you can’t make it on your own    which is a very moving song.  For too long, I think I thought I could make it on my own.  May each of us remember that we do not have to carry our burdens alone and be available to others who need someone to share their burden.

Taize Service

I have experienced few church services as powerful as the Taize service that I participated in tonight. It was a simple service in which we were listening to God and speaking to God. One of the brothers from the Taize community in France was in town and put the service together with some of the local church people. I was invited to be one of the readers (reading Psalm 63).

A small choir led us in a number of short Scripture passages, composed with a simple melody and we did each one with enough repetition so that the Scriptures we were singing had time to sink deep within one’s soul. But, it was not a performance, the choir’s purpose was to guide us along in the melody at the beginning of each song. Everyone sat facing the front, including the choir and readers. The front of the church was full of candles and we had little overhead lighting.

Here is the basic order of the service. After two opening songs, we read a couple of Scripture passages. Interspersed in between verses of the Psalm I read, we sang a simple Alleleuia chorus. Following the Scripture passages, we had a significant time of silence and then sang one more song.

We then entered into a time of intercession beginning and punctuated throughout with the choral response of “O Lord hear my prayer, O Lord hear my prayer: When I call answer me. “O Lord hear my prayer, O Lord hear my prayer: Come and listen to me.” There were 8 prayer times with a different person assigned to pray for a designated topic. But, what was really cool; each one prayed in a different language!

Following the Lord’s Prayer, we concluded with a final song:

“The Lord is my light, my light and salvation, In God I trust, in God I trust.” When you sing that a dozen times or more, it begins to take on new significance.

What a great way to conclude a week and/or begin a new one! By the way, you can download the Taize songs on I-Tunes.

“What we produce will fail. But what happens to us in the producing of it is eternal.”

I am trying to finish Ken Gire’s Reflections on the Movies so I can go on to some other books.   This week, I read his chapter on The Dead Poets Society and now I want to watch that again.  Gire’s discussed one of the key phrases in the movie, “carpe diem” (seize the day).  Related to this, he told a story about what he learned from his Hebrew prof in Seminary. Here it is:

I have forgotten many of the things in that professor’s classes.  But I haven’t forgotten that particular day in class or what he said.  he said simply, “What we produce will fail. But what happens to us in the producing of it is eternal.”

Gire discusses this further:

What he (his Hebrew prof) was trying to show us was this.  The sermons or books or churches we might one day produce weren’t nearly as important as what would happen to us in the producing of them.  That is what is eternal.  And it’s the eternity of our lives, not the futility of them, that should motivate us to seize the day and live extraordinary lives.

That is a little different message than the one in The Dead Poets Society.

When we leave this world, the trophies get left behind.  It doesn’t make any difference whether the trophies are for athletic, academic, or artistic achievement, or some other kind of achievement.

The only things that go with us are the things produced in us.  168

Now that is worth thinking about a bit more!

If the disciples needed more faith, more so David!

Read Luke 17:1-6 this morning.  After hearing Jesus’ words, the disciples asked Jesus to increase their faith.  I don’t know to what they were reacting–the warning against causing others to sin or the command to forgive others, even if they sin against me seven times in a day.  Certainly both are challenging, no impossible apart from a Spirit-led life.  Ties in with my reading earlier in the week in Luke 6:27-42.  “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (27,28)  I don’t know about you but this is not how I live very often.  But, in v36, Jesus tells us we will be rewarded and will be sons of the Most High God if only we do what He says.  What is that?  Only that we “love (y)our enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” (35)  I find myself shaking my head and I realize how much growth is needed in my relationship with God when I read these verses.  Luke says, God “is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”  Therefore, we are to “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (36)

“Kind to the ungrateful and wicked”, “merciful”, “loving my enemies”, “doing good to those who hate me”, “blessing those who curse me”, “praying for those who mistreat me”.  Lord, increase my faith!!

Jet lag

We have been back in Asia for one week this morning and it has been a struggle to get my body and soul adjusted.  My biggest frustration is my lack of energy and fatigue, particularly anytime after 3 pm.  I have been waking up at 4 a.m. and that is no good.  Slept one night pretty good due to taking a sleeping pill but then felt groggy the entire next day.  Last night I fell asleep at 7 pm, woke up around 9 pm, took a shower and went back to bed.  Up for bathroom trips around midnight and 3 a.m.  Forced myself to stay in bed until just before 5 a.m.  I think I have a bit of a cold and perhaps I am reacting to the pollution and/or allergies so I have taken my allergy pills the last few days along with some alieve.  A few days ago someone told me that you should allow one day to adjust for every hour of time zone adjustment.  since we are 13 hours ahead, that would mean the end of the next week!  Hmmmmm.  We slept without the air-con on last night and due to my tossing and turning, woke up this morning with Doris in another room!  “Wait on the Lord” is one message that comes across clearly in my Psalm for the week, Psalm 130.   I suspect that this missionary term will be one that requires a lot of waiting upon the Lord.  Patience, a delight in each moment, being thankful for small things and waiting upon the Lord appear to be themes that keep coming back to me as priorities as I seek to pour out His love to those around me.  Selah

“A Simple Genius” strikes close to home

A friend of mine gave me A Simple Genius, the latest book by David Baldacci for my reading on the plane last week and I finished it a few nights ago.  I like his books, they are a good light read, lots of suspense and I don’t remember much sex or language in them. This was an interesting book since the one of the main characters (Michelle) from previous books is about to fall apart and to get past this crisis, she is forced to go back and process an old childhood trauma.  Since she is so competent and strong, she resists and thinks she is okay but finally begins to realize that she really needs help and cannot be of support to her partner (Sean).  She finds help through helping a little girl (the simple genius of the book), who was also traumatized.  They form a bond and end up helping one another and of course, defeat the bad guys.  Both the Michelle and the little girl are being assisted by the same therapist throughout the book.  Since I have recently been processing similar issues myself, the book worked for me.  Enjoy.

Am I ready to not “produce” anything on the Sabbath?

Read the following definition from a review by David Mays on Henry Cloud’s book, Integrity.

Rest. “Integrated people who have drive but are not ‘driven’ are able to ‘Sabbath’ and recreate. The idea of a Sabbath is a period of time (twenty-four hours weekly) where you are not producing anything. Rest means not producing. When something is not producing, it is regenerating. And while that is happening, good things are occurring that get it ready for the next production cycle.” (232)

This is not easy for those of us (yes, including me) who tend to equate “producing something” with our value. I don’t think that a lack of production means that there are no activities on the Sabbath but that our activities should be “life giving ” to us (idea from Mark Buchanan’s The Rest of God), which will be different for all of us.

Why worry when you can trust?

What a morning! Or is it evening? I admit I am a bit confused with the time change!

I didn’t realize how much I have missed my music so I set up in our new office this morning and put on my ipod!

• A few Taize songs to prepare my time with God
• “Walk Like a Man” and “We Carry On” by Tim McGraw reminded me of the need to endure
• “God is in Control” and “How Beautiful” by Twila Paris were wonderful songs that helped me remember the character of God.

My reading was in Mtt 6:25-34 in which we are commanded, “Don’t Worry” A few reflections from these verses.

Why not worry?

• Your heavenly Father will take care of You!
• You are valuable to God!
• He knows what you need!!

The Big question:

• Will I trust God to take care of me?

The Problem with Worry

• Worry does not make anything better.
• Worry anticipates future problems.
• Worry prevents us from living in the present.
• At the heart of worry is fear!

The Solution to Worry

• Trust God.
• Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness.
• In other words: make sure that God and His priorities are really first in my life.

About what am I worried?

• a house–where will we live?
• a car/motor–how will we get around ?
• our stuff–will we get back together all our stuff?
• friends–who will be support and encourage us?
• exercise–how and where will we find exercise that works for us?
• money–will we have enough to live in Manila?
• culture–will we re-adjust to life here? How will we cope with the traffic, noise, pollution etc.?
• church–where should we attend?
• ministry–relationships? stress? necessary giftedness? satisfying and/or rewarding? strategic?

Final Questions:

• Does God care?
• Is God able to meet our needs?
• Will He?

Final Songs to help me remember His priorities, His goodness and His faithfulness

• I belong to Jesus–Alvin Slaughter and Dennis Jernigan
• Who can satisfy my soul?—Jernigan
• You are my all in all–Jernigan
• Thank you–Jernigan
• I bless you–Jernigan
• Marvelous Light–Caedmon’s Call and Charlie Hall
• Like a Child–Jars of Clay

Here are the great words in Jernigan’s, “Who can satisfy my soul?”

• Who can satisfy my soul, like you?
• Who on earth could comfort me and love me like you do?
• Who could ever be more faithful and true?
• I will trust in you! I will trust in you, my God!

• Living Water, Rain down your life on me
• Cleansing me, refreshing me
• With life abundantly
• River, full of life, I will go where you lead

• I will trust in you, I will trust in you, my God!
• There is a fountain, who is the king
• Victorious warrior and Lord of everything
• My rock, my shelter, my very home
• Blessed Redeemer, who reigns upon the throne!