Looking foolish but on the way at last!

We started out at the wrong counter, did not have a proper e-ticket, had no visa to get into the Philippines corresponding with the length of our stay, our bags were too heavy and too many and the excess baggage cost way too much. Finally, even though we ended up checking into the wrong terminal, we did manage to get on the plane and we now find ourselves in Seattle, on our way back to the Philippines.

Yes, God has been present throughout the day. A good friend came by to give us a good-bye hug at 4:45 a.m, another friend drove us to the airport, and yet another friend met us at the airport, helped me move our bags around and provided a calming influence in what turned out to be a rather stressful check-in. When they were about to tell us we could not fly due to our lack of visa, the person in charge showed up to approve our departure since her church at 2nd Baptist supports a lot of missionaries and she understands that we do a bit of traveling. During our hour and a half wait on the tarmac, the flight attendant was kind enough to allow Doris to run to the bathroom between lurches of the airplane. A kind gate agent was willing to stop her busy work to help issue us continuing boarding passes so that Doris could relax. And finally, our server for lunch was a Filipino with whom we had a nice chat. As we left, he asked us to pray for him! So, we see God clearly already at work as we begin what will be our fifth term, or our 21st year in Asia. Here is a video from Seattle.

Resentment: a most confusing sin

Here is a nice article on resentment  that someone sent me a few weeks ago.  I think all of us who have been in service to others understand being mistreated by others.  may we not carry out the chains of resentment and allow the people to continue to hurt us.

A simply amazing event

This morning, I had the joy and privilege to have my son, daughter and wife meet together with me and my counselor.  I had been feeling that the next step in the healing process for me was to share with my kids about my journey and where I have come from.  They were gracious and kind and my wife provided me with significant support during an intense time for me and them.  I have been working on rebuilding relationships with my kids for the past two years and today was a beautiful gift from the Lord that is indescribable.  There is a lot more work to be done but at least there is hope.  Of course, this makes it even more difficult to leave behind our kids in three days but I know the Lord will give grace when that time comes.  With much gratefulness.  I wanted to share this intimate experience with the hope that others out there who need to rebuild relationships will not lose hope as they walk this journey of potential redemption.  Indeed, in Christ,  all things are possible.

On Loving God

After reading Psalm 18:1, “I love You oh LORD, my strength”, I spent some time in reflection and I came up with a couple of questions.

1.   It seems easier to say, “God loves me” rather than, “I love you God.”  Why is that?  Is it because I confuse “love” with an emotion.  I really dislike that car commercial that has been on tv lately in which there is a jingle which says, “I love you” and then you realize that these words are being sung by various people with respect to this car (which I suppose, we are to love as well).  Love in this context is devoid of loyalty, committment, protection, sacrifice.  I think that is what I am saying when I say, “I love you Oh LORD, my strength.” Other ways our love for God seems to be expressed are scattered in the Psalm–”kept His ways” v 21, “not done evil by turning away from” v21, “not turned away from his decrees” v22, “blameless” v 23, “kept myself from sin” v23, “righteous” vv20, 24, “clean heart” vv20, 24).  “If you love me, you will keep my commandments”, said Jesus.  I don’t think this means that we have to have total obedience in order to say we love God–but at least we are moving in the same direction.  So, even when the feelings are waning or wanting and my obedience is not perfect, I can still say, “I love you, Oh LORD.”

2.  Forgot my second question–another post?

More to work on

One of the benefits I gain from talking about our return to ministry in the Philippines is the chance to process all that is going on within me and to answer some tough questions.  Two questions this morning:

1.  If the focus of our ministry is on pastoral care of our missionaries, helping other to live healthy lives, who is going to care for us?  How are we going to stay healthy.  I emailed one friend just a few minutes ago and asked him if he and I and the wives could get together on a regular basis.  When I shared last night that a quiet quarterly get-a-way for my wife would help her to recover and stay healthy, someone came up to me and suggested that they may try to help make that happen for us. 

2. What will it look like to continue to build and work on myself.  It seems that I quickly keep control of my emotions and yet I have identified some anger that needs to come out and be faced.  In other words, I want (or is it, need?) to continue meeting with a counselor, for my own sake, for the sake of others and in order to continue to progress in intimacy with Christ.  There is a sense that I will always be a “wounded healer” (to use Henry Nouwen’s phrase) but for me, for now, I am willing to continue working on wounds that God has shown me need more of His healing touch. 

I am the way

My Psalm for the week is Psalm 18–a long Psalm that talks a lot about God being our refuge and strength.  I was struck this morning by God’s active presence in His creation–no room for deism here.  NT reading was in John 14:1-14 which is one of my favorite passages.  After reading it a couple of times, I was drawn to “I am the Way” in verse 6.  What a profound statement Jesus makes here.  He is both the  end of our journey and He is part of the process of the journey.  I need to spend some more time reflecting on this phrase.

It’s Not About the Bike

I am back. After an unintended week away from blogging, it is nice to be back. How do I know I am too busy? Time for devotions is rushed and I don’t blog!

The last few nights, I have been reading It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong with Sally Jenkins. In it Lance Armstrong tells the story of his recovery from cancer along with his story of become the top biker of his time. (my words, not his) Armstrong discusses his troubled childhood, his arrogant beginnings, the price and pain necessary to compete at the highest levels and the perspective he gained following his battle with cancer. It is not a Christian book but it is an inspiring book. Here are a couple of quotes from the part I have read so far:

Good strong people get cancer, and they do all the right things to beat it, and they still die. That is the essential truth you learn. People die. And after you learn it, all other matters seems irrelevant. They just seem small. 3

The tour was a matter of mustering the right resources at the right times, of patiently feeding out your strength at the necessary level, with no wasted motion or energy. It was a matter of continuing to ride and ride, no matter how uninspired you felt, when there was no rush of adrenaline left to push you. 65

Why did I ride when I had cancer? Cycling is so hard, the suffering is so intense, that it’s absolutely cleansing. You can go out there with the weight of the world on your shoulders, and after a six-hour ride at a high pain threshold, you feel at peace. The pain is so deep and strong that a curtain descends over your brain. At least for a while you have a kind of hall pass, and don’t have to brood on your problems; you can shut everything else out, because the effort and subsequent fatigue are absolute. 85

Trying to keep my eyes lifted up

I am not sure how to describe my day–according to my post on prayer earlier today–I have a lot to be grateful for–a lot has happened today to make me aware of my constant need of Divine help!  Just downloaded “I lift my eyes up” by Brian Doersksen–a great song from Psalm 121.  We sang it yesterday at church and it expresses well what is inside me tonight.

A few quotes from yesterday’s sermon (Mtt 14:22-33)

Delay does not mean denial.

He knows all about us better than we know ourselves

The storm is never so severe, the night never so black, the boat never so frail, that we risk danger beyond our Father’s care.

Safety is not the absence of danger; it is the presence of God.

A prayer of gratefulness for my “constant sense of need”

Catching up on my reading during church yesterday (this was during second service and yes, I did listen in the first service!) and I read this prayer by Peter Marshall, who was Chaplain of the U.S. Senate. It is well worth praying for anyone who might be facing struggles today. You can edit out the thees and the thys.

I give thee my gratitude for that constant sense of need that keeps me close to thy side. Help me to keep my hand in thine and my ears open to the wisdom of thy voice.

Speak to me, that I may hear thee giving me courage for hard times and strength for difficult places; giving me determination for challenging tasks. I ask of thee no easy way, but just thy grace that is sufficient for every need, so that no matter how hard the way, how challenging the hour, how dark the sky, I may be enabled to overcome.

“The journey we are on is a sacred one,” reflections from the movie “Smoke”

It is almost Monday morning (11:56 p.m. on Sunday night) but I have been wanting to share this post. I have continued to read Ken Gire’s Reflections on the Movies and in the following quotes, he is talking about the movie “Smoke.” I have never even heard of it much less seen it but I may rent it if I can find it. The story sounds a bit weird, about a guy who has taken a photograph of the corner where he works (and lives?) every day for the past 30 years. That may not help you fully understand the following quote but I thought I needed to give some context to what Gire says. Great words to start your week on if you happen to look at this on Monday morning (which it is now).

The journey we are on is a sacred one. It is sacred because we are sacred. And we are sacred because we are the objects of divine affection. It is the value God places on us that makes us sacred. Though on any given Monday it doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel that way because we get caught in a workaday routine that wears us down, and we lose a sense of the sacred in our work. Instead of living in the moment, we live for the weekends. And the moments which could be moments of grace become merely moments of clock-watching for the end of the day. In the gears of such a way of living, our humanity is ground down. And we forget how dear we are to God, how dear our neighbor is to God, and or mate, and our children.

I forget daily, and so I need to be reminded daily.

That is our life’s work. To pay attention to those who pass by our corner. To see them the way Jesus would see them if he were standing on that corner. To hear them the way he would hear them. And to love them the way He would love them. To touch them with His hands, embrace them with His arms, and support them with His shoulder.

Sunday night reflections

I have a lot to be grateful for tonight. Just home from a visit with my mother-in-law and a church that supports us. I am always grateful for safe travel–especially when I see a bad wreck like I did tonight. One good thing that has happened in the last week is the new gift of the old practice of examen. One night I did not write in my journal but I still discussed the day with the Lord before falling asleep. It has been a busy time, packing up all our accumulated stuff and deciding what we can take overseas and what has to stay behind. Two projects I finished on Saturday afternoon–converted my old record albums to digital format and converting our photos as well. Actually, I didn’t quite finish either one but I am okay with what I was able to get done. I did pay a company to digitize a couple hundred pics, vhs tapes, slides and 8 mm film. Next project: put on the web the family pics. Present project as I type: adding all my digitized music to my ipod!

Spent half of the afternoon working on fixing the anti-virus program on my mother-in-law’s computer–successful at last but took a big chunk of time–I was not being obsessive but persevering!

I think the thing that encourages me the most is the way the Lord continues to use me in formative ways in people’s lives–from giving encouraging words to the worship leader this morning to listening to friends and helping them discern how God has and is continuing to be at work in their lives. This is really a God thing, trust me!

Once again, I am asking that this week, the Lord continue to redeem my past for His glory, for the sake of others who have been wounded and for future service to His body. It is hard to look at some of this stuff! Plus, all this comes during the sadness of saying goodbye to people I really care about around here. At least I am not alone on this journey

“In the end, everything becomes clear”, reflections on “Field of Dreams”

I have been reading through Reflections on the Movies by Ken Gire a little at a time and last night I read a section that resonated with me about the way God has been leading my wife and I.  In the book, Gire takes 14 movies and discusses the way they have affected him and how they tie in with what God says in His Word.  Last night I read the chapter on Field of Dreams, starring my supposed “look-a-like”, Kevin Costner.  Gire talks about the progressive revelation given to Ray (the main character) and how he does not know what will happen in the end.  He ties this in with Abraham’s call and with the story of Cornelius and Saul in Acts 10–being commanded to do something and not knowing why or what will result.  Here is what he writes:

None of the pieces makes a lot of sense until the end, when they have all been put together.  In the end, in a moment of epiphany, everything becomes clear.  And there is no clearer illustration of this process than in the movie Field of Dreams.

 As I reflected on this passage of Scripture and on the movie, suddenly I realized why God sometimes works in such mysterious ways.  Because He not only wants to get us to a certain place, He wants to develop in us, en route, the characteristics of humility and faith.  He wants us to become not only more dependent on Him, but also more dependent on each other.  That is how a community of faith is formed–out of the humbling realization that we not only desperately need God, but we desperately need each other.

Well, I am convinced that we (my wife and I) are headed on the road that God wants and it is certainly true that we don’t how the next phase of our journey will end, much less the road it will take us on, but that is ok. We walk together with the very real presence of God and other spiritual friends are with us on the journey facing us.

“Finding and holding God in our thoughts” from Psalm 70:1 part 1

Dr. Stephen Martyn provided the following material to us in class last week about John Cassian repeated use of Psalm 70:1 as a tool for prayer. Psalm 70:1, “Be pleased, O God, to deliver me; O Lord, make haste to help me.”  As Dr. Martyn said, “This compact verse, repeated under the old master’s instruction, has moved me more than any other prayer pattern to that blessed state of focal awareness of God’s ever-present mercy and grace.”  He then gave us the following quote from Cassian about the “the method “of finding and holding God in our thoughts” using Psalm 70:1

“It is not without good reason that this verse has been chosen from the whole of Scripture as a device.  It carries within it all the feelings of which human nature is capable.  It can be adapted to every condition and can be usefully deployed against every temptation.  It carries within it a cry of help to God in the face of every danger.  It expresses the humility of a pious confession.  It conveys the watchfulness born of unending worry and conveys a sense of our frailty, the assurance of being heard, the confidence in help that is always and everywhere present.  Someone forever calling out to His protector is indeed very sure of having Him close by.  This is the voice filled with the ardor of love and of charity.  This is the terrified cry of someone who sees the snares of the enemy, the cry of someone besieged day and night and exclaiming that he cannot escape unless His protector comes to the rescue.

This short verse is an indomitable warrior all those struggling against the onslaught of demons.  It is an impenetrable breastplate and the sturdiest of shields.  Whatever the disgust, the anguish, or the gloom in our thoughts, this verse keeps us from despairing of our salvation since it reveals to us the One to whom we call, the One who sees our struggles and who is never far from those who pray to Him.  If things go well for us in spirit, it there is joy in our hearts, this verse is a warning to us not to grow proud, not to get puffed up at being in a good condition which, as it demonstrates, cannot be retained without the protection of God for whose continuous and speedy help it prays.  This little verse, I am saying, proves to be necessary and useful to each one of us and in all circumstances.  For someone who needs help in all things is making clear that he requires the help of God not simply in hard and sad situations but equally amid fortunate and joyful conditions.  He knows that God saves us from adversity and makes our joys linger and that in neither situation can human frailty survive without His help.”

Repentance from the emptiness of Psalm 127

Psalm 127 is my Psalm for the week and it has provided some rich meditations.  Yesterday, I was interrupted by a phone call from the insurance company and this morning, I agreed to an early morning appointment so my time is cut short.  Two things

1.  Verses 1 and 2 warn me of the futility of thinking (emptiness, vanity of vanities from Ecclesiastes, that anything I do apart from Him will bring fruit (Jn 15).  As I begin a new ministry, the temptation will be to spend lots of time and energy in “building” the house but I must daily repent of this and trust God to lead me into the ministry He has already prepared.  No, I don’t mean a passiveness, sitting at home waiting for someone to show up.  But, if I truly believe and trust this verse, then I can relax and enjoy the opportunities for service that come my way in the normal course of life.  I don’t have anything to prove!  I don’t have to worry about missing something (I have a long history of doing this).  No need to for frantic activity, driven out of a need to perform or do.  No need to stay up late and get up early to try to keep up with the unending nature of work/ministry–better to accept the restful sleep God gives to those who trust Him with their daily responsibilities.  With this comes an ability to stay present in the moment and truly enjoy each activity and conversation.

2. I am struck anew at how proud I am of my kids and this time I think the pride is a good one.  Before, it might have been a sinful pride, an arrogance at thinking my kids were so disciplined or so creative or so intelligent.  Now, there is a delight in them as God’s gifts.  God is really at work here–thank you Lord.

A better way to end the day

Something new (for me) I have tried for the last two nights.  As I go to bed, I write a list of my day’s activities–bullet format, then I find God’s activity behind each of those activities (again listing them) and last night I added “my response to God’s initiatives.”  Doesn’t take more than a few minutes but it seems to be a better close to the day than watching tv.  I don’t know that I spent much time in prayer but if all of life is prayer. . . fyi–I did read a chapter in one of my books afterwards so it is not the last thing I did.  One reason this may work for me is that I am journal regularly in the mornings.  Again, thanks to David Rudd over at Watersedge for the idea.

Being thankful for God’s activity in my life

David Rudd over at Watersedge had an excellent application from Daniel 1 this morning.  He observed, “God is active behind the scenes, sovereignly working out his will.”  He suggests a practical way that examen (my word, not his, one of those “spiritual formation words” that drives my wife crazy) could be done at the end of every day.  Here is his suggestion.  I  hope it is okay that I have edited out the names of people he mentions and replaced them with generic terms.   I have not had a lot of success with examen (basically a review of the day before sleep; a time to remember how God has been at work and how I have responded to His initiatives) but this looks like something I could do on a regular basis.

It might be a fun activity at the end of the day occasionally to write out a short summary of your day, like this:

• went to church
• dropped off the kids
• cleaned out van
• picked up light-bulbs at Walmart
• helped dad tear out floor
• helped my daughter with beam routine
• watched son’s soccer game on video with him
• went to bed

and then take the same list, and rethink it, finding God’s activity in my own life:

• The Lord provided a welcoming community of believers for me.
• God gave my daughter good friends
• God has provided transportation needs for me and my family
• The Lord has given us more money than we need so we can purchase lightbulbs
• God has given my kids great athletic ability
• The Lord has provided a soft bed in a safe home.

A free and unconditional response to that Spirit’s pressure and call, whatever the cost may be

Another reading from A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants (from last week) but by Evelyn Underhill. She writes about the those who would seek to know the will of God.

. . . do well to realise that our own feelings and preferences are very poor guides when it comes to the robust realities and stern demands of the Spirit.

She then describes a number of people who were called by God to a ministry that did not fit with their expectation or even with their perceived gifting. She concludes by talking about Henry Martyn.

Henry Martyn, the fragile and exquisite scholar, was compelled to sacrifice the intellectual life to which he was so perfectly fitted for the missionary life to which he felt he was decisively called. In all these, a power beyond themselves decided the direction of life. Yet in all we recognise not frustration, but the highest of all types of achievement. Things like this–and they are constantly happening–gradually convince us that the overruling reality of life is the Will and Choice of a Spirit acting not in a mechanical but in a living and personal way; and that the spiritual life does not consist in mere individual betterment, or assiduous attention to one’s own soul, but in a free and unconditional response to that Spirit’s pressure and call, whatever the cost may be.

From The Spiritual Life by Evelyn Underhill

All I can say to that is wow. May each of us this day make “a free and unconditional response to that Spirit’s pressure and call, whatever the cost may be.”

“Ministry is Jesus Christ expressing his life through us.”

I have been using A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants for the past month. It is a reading and prayer guide for the Scriptures that would be useful for all believers wanting to grow in intimacy with Christ. There is a weekly Psalm (this week Psalm 127), a daily Scripture passage and other spiritual readings. Here is one that is outstanding on the nature of ministry:

Christian ministry is more than doing good. Ministry is an act of service performed either consciously or unconsciously in the name of Christ. Ministry is Jesus Christ expressing his life through us. It is born, therefore, not in activity, but in solitude, where through the Spirit we experience the power of life from within. No one becomes a “minister.” Rather in trust we so open ourselves to the Spirit that Jesus Christ can express his ministry through us. Prayer and ministry, therefore, are indissoluble.

From Ministry and Solitude by James C. Fenhagen.

This reminded me that in the busyness of these days, I cannot afford NOT to be in solitude.

Passion for a risky story

“Don’t you want to live for something great, for something more than?”, said our speaker, Brian Housman, who is with Awake to Life Certainly this is what our youth want and need. According to Donald Miller, Brian said that a good story needs risk and resolution. The youth of today are looking for a risky story; they want a “more than” story, they are uninterested in a story that ends up lived in a secure, gated community! (ouch!) Parents want to remove the risk factor from our kid’s lives since we want to ensure their security and safety. But, according to Brian, since our kids are looking for a better story, removing risk does not appeal to them. Brian told us a story about a young teen who wanted to make a difference after learning about the devastation of Aids in Africa. When this young man was willing to step out in faith and do something that sounded like foolishness, he was able in the end to mobilize resources around the nation and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Brian shared the problem of ancient Rome (from a story told by Francine Rivers); Rome fell because of a passion for their own greatness, rather than a passion for the “more than”. Do we not in America idolize the greatness of celebrity rather than a passion for God’s name? As Brian said, “If we help people to identify their talents and gifts without a matching humility and selflessness, we have failed them.” The challenge I came away with this morning was to “lay before people what a passionate pursuit of God looks like”. Of course it begins with a dying to self!

“We must die to the image that we have it all figured out.”

This week I had the privilege to listen in to a conference call between Mark Howell of Life Together .  Mark is acting as a consultant to our church in the area of small groups.  He interviewed one of the Pastoral Staff at Willowcreek about a survey they did on people who had left the church.  Some of the more interesting statements made:

Comments about the “close to Christ and Christ centered group” of people who had left the church

1. If we do not feed them , they will leave the church but they will not abandon Christ.  They remain faithful church attenders.
2. They are looking for a place in which they are challenged.  They are saying, “The church once met my needs but it is not helping me now. 
3. The number one reason why they left, “The church is not helping me with my spiritual growth.  I wanted to be challenged to grow and take the next step on my spiritual journey but church was not helping me. The church may be good for others but not for me.”

 Conclusions from the same survey

1. No one from among their staff was owning this segment of Christ centered people.
2. How do we help these in the later stages of the Christian life?
3. We need tools to assess where people are in their spiritual journey and we need to provide them with the resources needed to take the next steps, place tools into their hands and give them a road map.
4. A suggested resource: Randy Frasee’s The Connecting Church
5. We cannot tell people what to do.  We must coach them as they pursue their relationship with Jesus.
6. Our model is like Home Depot:  “you can do it, we can help.”
7. If they look to us as the exclusive provider for their spiritual growth and resources ALL will be disappointed.

What we have learned

1. Building a model for church growth  is much more complicated than we ever thought and a lot simpler.
2. We must die to the image that we have it all figured out.
3. We must trust our people to make the right decisions, empower them and release them.  Without the burden of lots of stuff that we think they should be doing but are not helpful for them.  The church often frustrates this group of people with burdens. We must avoid doing things at a level that is not reasonable or a weight on them.

They discussed a new book out called Reveal: Where Are You? but I cannot find it at the moment.  Looks like there are some good tools here.