Why People Die by Suicide

Why People Die by Suicide by Thomas Joiner. After recent suicides within our church and within our family, I remembered two new books on suicide that I had read reviews on. I ordered them and I have finished this one. It is not an easy read but helpful. Joiner gives two main reasons as to why people commit suicide–thwarted effectiveness or the “sense that one is a burden” and thwarted connectedness or the “sense that one does not belong”. The final factor is that a person has acquired the ability for lethal self-injury–”this comes from fearlessness about confronting pain, injury and death”. (92)

Of Lost and forgotten books

This week I received a long lost book back from a friend and was delighted. Free at Last by David Benner is one of the most helpful books I have read over the past few years, one of which I have made a number of copies and given to friends (as far as I can tell it is out of print and not available anywhere). He has helped me understand the pain of my own emotional woundedness and makes some valuable suggestions in the movement towards healing.

I just flipped open a page and saw these notes I made from his book. When we are emotionally wounded, there is often a sense of loss which bring feelings of vulnerability, sadness, aloneness, abandonment and isolation. Healing of these losses comes through grieving. We must grieve our losses in order to leave them behind. When we fail to face these wounds (losses), we may experience anger and depression, guilt and anxiety. I wrote down in the margin, “I do not grieve my losses well.” Worth a read.

I also received back another book I had loaned out, Wounds that Heal by Stephen Seamands. My friend asked me if I had written a review of the book since it was in conjunction with one of my classes at Asbury Seminary. So, I found it and ended up posting my reviews of all the books from my Theology of Minstry class. Perhaps they will give someone a hunger to read one of them or my journey through these books will encourage honesty in the journey of others.

FYI, I know there are some typos and editing that needs to be done on these reviews, my apologies to the English teachers out there.

Divine Narcissism

Sunday, I will be giving an introduction to our missionary panel at church.  I will be trying to demonstrate that the driving force behind missions is God’s glory.  God desires and we desire that there be a worshiping people from every tribe, tongue and nation.   Rev 5:9 and 7:9 promise this.  For me, I understand that God is fully deserving of this glory from all of us and we have been given the privilege to spread his glory.   But for others, God’s concern for His own fame and glory seems to be “vain and egotistical”.  Paul Copan tries to answer this question in the article with the above title in Philophia Christi (8:2:2006), “Why does God desire for us to worship, praise and glorify Him?  Why is it wrong for us–but not for God–to be so self-preoccupied?”

His article is subtitled “A further defense of God’s Humilty”.  It provided some valuable thoughts for me as I prepare to  share with people that it is His glory that drives the missionary enterprise.

Copan says that God should not be thought of as proud.  “Rather, he has a realistic view of himself, not a false or exaggerated one.  His view of himself isn’t distorted or unnecessarily lofty. He is God, after all!

Speaking about praise, Copan  says,  “Praise is called for by creatures caught up with God’s greatness, power, goodness and love.  Praise is the climax of realizing God’s excellencies, and creatures fittingly erupt in praise, spontaneously beckoning the rest of us to do the same. “   Amen and Amen!

More on this later.

Purity of Heart

When I was ordering Kierkegaard’s The Diary for my son’s birthday the other day, I also found Purity of Heart available. This is a book that I had been wanting to read for some time. So, tonight I picked it up and ended up reading the last section of the book. This was advised by the translator of the book before sitting down to read the entire book.

In reading the last 40 pages, I am motivated to read the rest. He speaks about suffering and about the danger of comparisions with others and the crowd. What is the purity of heart that K speaks about–it is to will one thing–God. He closes the book with a prayer. Hear is part of that prayer:

Father in Heaven! What is a man without Thee! What is all that he knows, vast accumulation though it be, but a chipped fragment if he does not know Thee! What is all his striving, could it even encompass the world, but a half-finished work if he does not know Thee: Thee the One, who art one thing and who art all! So may Thou give to the intellect, wisdom to comprehend that one thing; to the heart, sincerity to receive this understanding; to the will, purity that wills only one thing. In prosperity may Thou grant perseverance to will one thing; amid distractions, collectedness to will one thing; in suffering, patience to will one thing . Oh, Thou that giveth both the beginning and the completion, may Thou early, at the dawn of the day, give to the young man the resolution to will one thing. As the day wanes, may Thou give give to teh old man a renewed remembrance of his first resolution, that the first may be like the last, the last like the first in possession of a life that has willed only one thing.

Mark 9:5-7

Confused?? Don’t just stand there, do something or say something! The disciples could not comprehend what was happening and when they saw the big three (Jesus, Moses and Elijah), they felt compelled to do something (to justify why there were present??) It is good for us to be here. Let us make three shelters…..why??? to celebrate the feast of tabernacles, perhaps. Verse 6 is revealing, “They were afraid and did not know what to say.” Somehow it feels good to be doing something, anything when we are like this but is this the right solution.

It is pretty clear that the disciples missed it on a number of points. Some say the problem was they gave Jesus the same level of honor as Moses and Elijah. Maybe, but I think the Father’s response was showing them what they needed to do at this time when they were afraid and did not know what to say. “This is my son, the beloved one. Listen to Him.” Wow. I need to spend some more time thinking about this…my son…. the beloved one…listen to him…..

Silence and solitude are necessary in my life.

For a number of years in my walk with Jesus, I have known of His personal example of taking time for silence and solitude (S & S) and knew that this should be a regular practice in my life. However, I was afraid to make space in my life for regular days away with God to listen and reflect. I thought I “might miss some opportunity in life” if I went away. Indeed this is a sad admission to make. There are a number of other fears and anxieties that I have identified related to S & S.[1]

But I have begun to discover that my life diminishes without extended time set aside for S & S and becomes alive during periods set aside for S & S. An essential element in my emotional healing from burnout has been S & S in which I have been able to process current life events and receive love from God. In the months leading up to this retreat I have been recovering from emotional and physical fatigue accompanied with depression. I no longer view S & S as something I should do but something that my heart longs for. At the same time, my heart has been awakened to its longing to meet with God through the reading of Scripture and prayer.

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[1] What will I see in myself? Will God be silent? What will other people think? Will their be sexual temptations? Will I be bored? Going through the motions without a heart engagement? Not enough time? Maybe God will not meet with me, will He also reject me? Will I sleep too much or do the wrong thing? Will I be lonely? Will a lack of exercise leave me lethargic and depressed? Am I afraid that I will miss what God wants to show me? Am I willing to let go and trust God to speak? Will God initiate? Can I let go and allow God to be in control? Will I be able to weep and mourn my losses? Will I be able to achieve the intimacy for which I long?

You love me

Last week, I spent a significant amount of time in my study, meditating on the above phrase.  Then, I took it with me throughout the day and savored it.  What a rich time.  His consolations were apparent and yet I seek Him even should He remain silent.  Thank you Lord.

“Supernatural knowledge that reaches the intellect by the exterior bodily senses”

must not be relied upon says St. John of the Cross. Why says John? Because we can be easily deceived by counterfeits from the devil. “Individuals who esteem these apprehensions are in serious error and extreme danger of being deceived.” (AMC 2:11:3) He says false visions and communications from the devil “cause in the spirit agitation, or dryness, or vanity, or presumption.” On the other hand, communications from God, “penetrate the soul, move the will to love, and leave their effect within. As Muto says, God’s self-communications …penetrate the sould like fragrant oil softens dry, cracked skin.” (58) In our longing for these sensory communications we are vulnerable. We must detach ourselves from desires for these special communication. As Muto says, “If good, their effects will show up anyway; if bad, they will be eliminated from the start.”(60)

A good reminder to me to not seek out any special experience with God or from God. I do need to spend time listening rather than always talking but when I start hearing voices, it is time to be on the alert!

Woman at the Well

The lesson I learned from this book is as follows: “I cannot give if I do not receive. In giving, I am also able to receive.” Although Jesus initiates the discussion with, “Give me a drink”, he knows that the woman needs a drink from him even more. She had to discover her own neediness before she could give a drink to others. I have too often tried to help others with a drink when I myself have not allowed Jesus to fill me with His living water. So many people in the world are thirsty and hungry and yet they are not aware of their thirst. Activities, busyness and self-medication (alcohol, drugs, sports, etc) serve to mask the thirst that exists there. People refuse to admit of their restless desire for God and “repress the awareness of it” because they are “unable to bear the terrible craving for God that eats away at their hearts.” 48 I need to “be attentive to that kind of thirst of Jesus in my fellow men that I can relieve best because of the person I am.” 27 I need not pretend or try to be someone that I am not. Too often I do not see people in need and am lacking in compassion. This is because I have been unable to receive from Jesus. Unless I receive from Him, I have nothing to give.

Only in recent years have I been able to notice my own thirst. Drinking deeply of Jesus has been challenge has been and continues to be often today. There are various attachments and affections that I hold onto and these prevent me from receiving His love. It is only when I give these attachments to Jesus that I am able to give my whole self to Him and receive His love. Van Kaam says, “To live a spiritual life is to excel in the art of receiving without fear or withholding.” 40

I am comforted that the Lord did not give up on the woman and He has not given up on me. This is grace. In the same way, His grace enable me to must persevere with those who initially reject or are hardened or fearful of that which I am offering to give to them—new life in Jesus. In talking with a friend of mine, he said, “I earned everything I have.” Van Kaam helps me to understand this and gives me hope in the future when he says, “The lie of self reliance never covers up the hollowness that gnaws at the core of our existence.” 53 It requires the work of the grace of God to enable a person to see in their own blindness. “God provides the grace of recognition of human emptiness and the grace of recognition of Jesus’ fullness and forgiveness.” 67

for my full review, see book reviews

ST. John of the Cross

Checked out The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross and am reading “The Ascent to Mt. Carmel.  I enjoyed Book 1 but Book 2 is more slow going.  Currently I am on chapter 5 in book 2.

Susan Muto has written a companion volume called John of the Cross for Today: The Ascent and I am reading this together with John’s original writings which is helpful.  Of course, I don’t mean John’s original writings since he wrote in Spanish but Kavanaugh has provided us with an excellent English translation.

Maurice and Therese

I was impressed by Therese’s continued pursuit and love of God when the “dark night” appeared, her intimacy with God seemed to vanish and she received no consolation during the last years of her life. As Ahern states, loving God for Therese was not to be confused with an “emotional experience”. 51

Therese was obviously a brilliant woman (writing more prose and poetry than even St John of the Cross in less than half his life 89), but it was her single minded pursuit in loving God that set her apart—and this encourages me. Her love for God and His love for her was the “central reality of Therese’s life”, says Ahern 78 He later says, “The whole purpose of her earthly life was to love God and make Him loved.” 155 She gave Maurice a prayer to pray for her which would be a good one for anyone to offer on behalf of a fellow brother or sister, “I ask you to set my sister on fire with Your Spirit of Love, and to grant her the grace of making You deeply loved.” 87 She understood that because God had drawn her to His love, it was natural that she herself would draw others to love Him.

I love the prayer she sent Maurice “I ask of you Jesus, a heart that loves you, a heart that cannot be conquered, always ready for battle after each tempest, a heart that is free, never seduced, a heart that is straight and never walks on crooked paths.” 268

for my full paper, look under Book Reviews

Divine Guidance by Susan Muto

Here is how I reacted to this book after reading it.

I am determined to continue to trust God’s love for me even when alone and in pain as evidenced by the example of Nunny. (19) Muto’s own struggle with God encourages me to be honest with God in my journey even during my low times. She mentioned that often when she is honest with God when down, “the gloom lessens and a new direction is delicately disclosed.” (20) As a scuba diver, I understand that it is not only dangerous to fail to be patient and wait but it also prevents me from seeing all that God wants to show me. I need courage to “endure the darkness of not knowing.” (28)

Since I am one who seems at times to have a compassion deficit, I appreciate the suggestion to consider the empathy and compassion of Jesus and ask God to allow me to feel the same compassion when I see others in need. (97) It seems that what generates compassion for others is the reception of mercy or as Muto says, our own compassion “will flow from the sacred heart of Jesus.” (100) In the same way, as I seek to be a peacemaker with and for others, this begins with my own “internal harbor of tranquility.” (129)

I was personally challenged by the discussion on inordinate attachments that can lead to bondage. (142) As I have reflected on what brings me consolation and desolation, I become aware that there yet remains in me these inordinate attachments. Yet, I was encouraged by Muto’s statement, “As long as God comes first in our lives, we can love ourselves and all people and attachments as gifts to treasure, not objects to own and discard.” (150)

for my full paper, look under Book Reviews